Sum of the Whole
by ArcadiaArden
Summary: It is when all the pieces meet and fit together that you can finally see the entire picture.
1. Chapter 1

Rizzoli & Isles – I certainly don't own them. I give a lot of credit to the people that do and thank them for letting me mess about with them for a bit. The story and any original characters that might crop up belong to my addled little brain.

Originally posted to Tumblr up to Ch 8 as an ongoing writing exercise. Posting it here to have it located in a quick place for people to reread if necessary after my hiatus.

**So writing exercise...This means no beta, short 'chapters' and it's a write and post immediately situation :) usually the point is to fine tune something I'm working on elsewhere or to amuse myself. I usually don't go back and rework so expect a few rough edges.**

Edit to add: CharlietheCAG has offered to Beta - this means a cleaner story from ch 10 onwards **BUT this is still a writing exercise**. Warning still stands... AKA this is something that wouldn't normally leave my computer. You have to read it with that thought in mind - it's more bonus filler reading for those of you who don't mind a "rough" read and it isn't written with an audience in mind like most of my work on here.

* * *

She knew that knock.

Jane stopped scrolling through the channels on her TV with a sigh before she stood up. At least it wasn't her mother.

When the door opened Maura inventoried Jane from the tips of her bare toes, up along the worn yoga pants and over the BPD softball team t-shirt with the hole in the seam of the shoulder. The haphazard ponytail with the escaped lock of hair finished the look. "I can see by your choice in clothing that you never intended to meet us for a drink after work."

"I was going to text you." Jane stumbled backward when a brown paper grocery bag was shoved in her arms. "I didn't feel like dealing with any shit from the guys and you were stuck autopsying Lee's case anyway so it's not like you were sitting around waiting for me."

Placing the other grocery bag and her purse down, Maura surveyed the small kitchen. "I was going to have you make the salad but can you please go load your dishwasher so I have room to move in here?"

"Well aren't we the bossy one tonight?" Irritated, Jane dropped the extra grocery bag next to where Maura was pulling items out of the other one. "Come on in. Make yourself at home." At Maura's glare she rolled her eyes and went over to the sink. "You know, you could have called and let me know you were coming. I would have ordered something or cooked for you."

Maura shrugged as she pulled pans out and considered her options before selecting a sauté pan. "I could have done that yes. But I've been eating out most of this week covering the extra cases for Dr. McKearn's vacation and I was in the mood for one of my favorite dishes." Setting the pan over low heat, she unwrapped the sea scallops. "Pizza does not qualify."

With the last of the dishes loaded into the dishwasher Jane shoved it closed hard enough to hear the glass rattle inside. "I said I could have cooked something." Turning around she crossed her arms over her chest. "What is it with everyone assuming I can't manage simple domestic details lately?"

Maura glanced over her shoulder, noting the furrowed forehead, crossed arms and glare directed at her. Frost had been correct. "I don't assume anything Jane. You know that." She looked back at the stove before sprinkling some olive oil into the pan. "I was going to cook this dish tonight with or without your presence. When you disappeared I thought I would come over here and make it for both of us."

"Isn't that assuming?" Jane leaned against her counter.

Fingering the edge of the white paper holding the shellfish, Maura felt her face gather heat. "You're right I did. I'm sorry. I should have called first." Turning away from the stove, Maura moved back over to the counter and picked up her purse. "I'll see you tomorrow at work."

"Wait, what? No!" Bounding the few steps across the kitchen, Jane grabbed Maura's forearm. "I didn't say I wanted you to leave." She squeezed the arm under her hand lightly. "Please stay? I'm sorry I'm being an ass." She chewed her lip lightly while Maura seemed intent on studying her. "Really. I mean it. It was a rough day and I'm taking it out on you. And I love your cooking. You know I do."

Maura took a deep breath before giving a slight nod. "Would you please put together the salad?"

For a while they worked in silence, with only a smile slipped between them when Jane brought over the asparagus, prepped the way she liked it to be steamed. It wasn't until the food was plated and they were seated that Jane broke the quiet.

"Do I look like a dyke to you?"


	2. Chapter 2

Please read Ch 1 for disclaimers…

* * *

The first bite of scallop never made it to her lips.

For a moment all Maura could do is stare at Jane before she slowly lowered her fork, the metal on the china the only sound.

Jane was fully focused on her dinner, eyes down watching her fork push at the food.

Contemplating various options of response, Maura reached for the bottle of wine left over from making the butter sauce and topped their glasses off. When a brown eye glanced up at her before returning back to the plate, Maura took a quick sip, letting the nuances of the flavor roll over her tongue.

Maura gently cleared her throat but Jane still didn't look at her, content to push a scallop through the sauce on her plate. She needed more information. "Dyke is a particularly strong word. Slang most certainly and although adopted by the lesbian community it still carries a strong negative connotation when used out of context."

Jane stabbed her fork into a scallop. "I didn't ask for an etymology lesson. I asked if I looked like a dyke to you."

"That was hardly an etymology lesson." Maura sipped at her wine. "Why the sudden interest in your physical appearance in relation to the gay community?"

Jane shrugged. "It came up today."

"Unless I'm mistaken it has come up before. I don't recollect the personal turmoil over the event however." Maura put the glass down and picked up her fork. "You should eat while it's warm. Tarragon scallops are best fresh from the pan."

The scallops were delicious, perfect. After a second bite Jane glanced at Maura. "This is really good, thanks." She chewed another bite. "We were interrogating the husband from that double murder over on Greenough Street. He got all up in my face so I gave it back to him." She rolled her shoulders. "Frost got between us but not before the guy yelled about getting the 'fucking man dyke' off him."

Using the excuse to chew to buy a moment to digest the course of the conversation, Maura noted the slightly rounded shoulders. "You have to help me understand exactly what you are asking. In the past it never appeared to bother you when people commented negatively on your appearance. What was different about this person?"

Impatient, Jane twirled her wine glass. "The guy had nothing to do with it." She sat up enough to slump back in her chair. "It was after we turned the guy over to his anal retentive lawyer and Frost was replaying the whole thing to Brown that it made me start to think I guess."

Jane sighed again. "It happens enough. Sometimes even when I'm doing something simple like ordering my coffee women hit on me. And it seems to be the first insult hurled at me when I'm actually doing my job. Plus, the only men that tend to be interested in me seem to be in some sort of public protection work themselves or they're like Jorge." She stared up at her ceiling. "A used dishrag would have more backbone than good ol' Jorge. Can you even imagine what he would have been like in bed? Just no." She shuddered, shaking her head.

Crossing a leg and leaning her knee against her counter, Jane stared at the small hole in her pants near her knee she hadn't noticed earlier. "Made me think about what I really look like to everyone." She looked at her t-shirt. "Maybe you should take me shopping or something."

When Maura didn't say anything right away Jane downed part of her wine, wrinkling her nose at the sweet undertone. "This wine is a little sugary for me, but better than that other stuff from last week. That was too dry."

"It's a Riesling." Debating, Maura tapped her nail against the stem of her own glass. "I'll take you shopping any time you want to go, but Jane?" She touched Jane's hand across the table so she would look at her. "Do you honestly believe it is only because of what you wear?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jane closed her eyes for a moment, pushing down her irritation. "Well even you said you got hit on by women when you wore my suit! What am I supposed to do? Canvas a neighborhood in a skirt?" She snorted "Not likely." She tried to decipher the look Maura was giving her as she sipped her drink. "It has to be what I'm wearing." She stabbed the food. "I'm not some manly dyke."

"Clothing, even clothing with a more masculine cut doesn't make a person into a lesbian." Maura let the statement hang while she continued to eat.

"Well then I have to be ugly or something." Jane put down her fork and buried her face in her hands. "It's not like I date chicks or burn my bra on the precinct front steps!" She curled her fingers in her hair. "I don't get it. I'd think it's the job but you work in a job that most women don't pick as a career option and nobody calls you a dyke. Nobody thinks you are masculine. And you know what? I'm hardly the only woman on the force. Freakin' Bonnie is a lesbian and I don't think she's been called a dyke once."

Jane stabbed some asparagus. "I'm not a man!"

Maura took her time sizing Jane up, watching the other woman squirm under her scrutiny. "No, you most certainly are not." When the uncomfortable squirming included heightened color across Jane's cheeks she turned her attention back to her dinner. "Please trust me when I say that nobody mistakes you for a man. Even in your suit for work, there is nothing manly about you."

Glancing back at Jane, Maura knew there were two ways to handle this now. One way would be candid honesty and the other would be artful deflection.


	3. Chapter 3

Please read Ch 1 for disclaimers…

* * *

When Maura continued studying her with her eyes slightly narrowed and her head tilted just so, Jane knew she was carefully considering her next words. Annoyed she crossed both arms over her chest and stared back. "Stop."

Maura had to bite the inside of her bottom lip to keep from smiling at the belligerent posture and the eyebrow quirked upward. She tried to keep the amusement out of her voice. "Stop what?"

Gesturing in circles Jane let out a huff. "Oh no you don't, you know exactly what. That thing you do." The arms went back over her chest. "Stop analyzing me. I'm not dead."

Chuckling Maura simply raised both eyebrows and took a sip of wine. "No, you certainly are not dead."

"So for the love of god, would you please stop. " Jane pointed at Maura. "No sitting there, picking your words and trying to figure out a way out of this. I asked a question and since I asked a question I obviously want the actual answer. Not what you think I want to hear." Realizing how tense she had gotten again, Jane winced and took a deep breath, letting it out on a sigh. "Please?"

Maura debated the level of wine in both their glasses before standing up. She gave a last perusal of Jane's defeated posture and made up her mind. Candid honesty it was. "I'm going to open that bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon I never bothered to open last time we had dinner here. Would you like any?"

Jane gritted her teeth. "No, I don't want any more wine." She closed her eyes and tried to manage the quick flare of her temper, reminding herself she wasn't angry at Maura. "What I want is to know if I look like a freakin' dyke and you're the only one I can count on to be honest." She opened her eyes. "At least, that is I usually can if you're not trying to talk your way around or out of a question."

Maura kept her back turned while she uncorked the wine and pulled out a new glass. The burgundy liquid filled the glass a bit more than appropriate, but right now the spark of the tannins fit the mood and she needed every last drop. This would either go well or be a monumental disaster.

She looked over her shoulder. "Do you want a beer?"

"Maauura!" Jane dragged the name out sharply and rubbed a hand over her forehead.

With a soft sigh and a full glass Maura turned around and leaned against the counter. "Okay." Jane dropped her hand and relaxed back in her chair but Maura could see the lines of tension in her forearms as she lightly fisted her fingers in her lap, waiting. "I'll answer your question and I'll do so honestly, but first I want to clear something up that you said earlier."

The lines appeared back on Jane's forehead but Maura held up her hand to stop any commentary. "You are not ugly." She took a small sip of wine and let that settle between them. "And I know you know this, you are an intelligent person, but just in case you need to hear it again, you are very attractive."

Jane could feel the heat creep over her skin and she went to open her mouth but Maura shook her head slightly.

When Jane closed her mouth again Maura continued. "I look at you and I can never understand why you have this insecurity about your appearance, especially when you put on a dress." Maura waited until Jane met her eyes fully. "What did I tell you the first time you questioned your appearance in that little black dress?"

Jane remained silent but that was what Maura expected.

"If I remember correctly I believe I said you were gorgeous." Maura kept careful eye contact even as Jane shifted uneasily in her chair. "Remind me again why, out of all your friends and family, you wanted to know my opinion on whether you looked, as you so succinctly put it, 'like a dyke'?"

Jane had a feeling she knew where this was going. Her lips felt dry against the tip of her tongue. There was nothing lighthearted about the focused way Maura was looking at her. Sarcasm and irritation would not work here. "Because you're the only one I know who will just tell me like it is."

Maura nodded. "Exactly." She took another long sip of her drink, noting the glass was already half empty so she put it down, bracing both arms against the counter edge. "So please believe me when I say that you are stunning."

The combination of the compliment and atmosphere was almost too much. Jane knew she was blushing and she tried not to fidget but after a moment she dropped her eyes down and quickly ate a bite of cold scallop. Wrong move. The food was rubbery now and she swallowed with a grimace.

Maura abandoned the half finished glass of wine on the counter and by the time Jane looked back up she softened her expression as she walked back over to her chair. "See? It's even hard for you to take a compliment about your looks. That had to be less than appetizing."

Jane rubbed the back of her neck. "Well of course you're going to compliment…"

Clasping the back of her chair lightly, Maura shook her head. "No. Not this time." She offered a small smile that Jane eventually returned, the edges of her lips barely curling up. "I mean it." Maura took her time with each word, making sure each syllable found its mark. "You, Jane Clementine Rizzoli …" She paused again, looking intently into Jane's eyes. "are a beautiful…"

She leaned over her empty chair watching Jane's eyes widen at their proximity "…woman."


	4. Chapter 4

Please read Ch 1 for disclaimers…

* * *

Jane jumped when Maura backed off suddenly with her dinner plate in hand. A mysterious expression flickered over her features before Maura turned away to head over to the sink. Jane took a quick breath in and rubbed her hands against her thighs as she stared at Maura's back while the other woman started washing pans and plates.

Outside the window over Jane's sink the sky was a deep red hue over and between the buildings. Maura rinsed the sauce pan in her hand, mentally counting off the seconds until Jane's voice carried over the sound of the running water.

"But what about my question?"

Without bothering to turn around, Maura held up the dishtowel and waited until it was tugged out of her hand. "I'm going to run out of room in the dish drainer before I finish washing all of this."

Jane took the offered pan and started drying. "I would have cleaned up, you did all the cooking."

"I know." Maura focused on scrubbing the sauté pan in her hands. "But I don't mind."

Jane pulled the next pan out of Maura's hands to dry it as they stood shoulder to shoulder. "Are you ever going to answer my question?"

Glancing at Jane out of the corner of her eye, Maura caught Jane doing the same and they both chuckled. She rinsed the plates and leaned over to put them in the dishwasher. "Couch or kitchen?"

"This is going to be Dr. Isles-level-10-complicated-as-fuck type answer isn't it?" Jane sighed when Maura wouldn't even look up at her. "Couch. Do I need a beer for this?"

Straightening back up, Maura rubbed Jane's bicep as she reached around her to rescue her remaining wine. "If it was an easy answer you never would have needed to ask me in the first place." She left Jane standing at the sink as she made her way out of the kitchen.

Maura was already curled up against the arm of the couch by the time Jane finished wiping down the counters. With a sigh Jane sat down on the opposite end, legs sprawled out between them, waiting.

Maura shifted so she could face Jane, "Not drinking?"

Jane shrugged. "You're taking so long to answer I figure I'm about to get diagnosed with some weird disease or social disorder. So ergo, I'm going to need my full wits about me, so no."

Chuckling Maura ran a finger along the rim of her wine glass. "Would you please relax?"

"I will after you tell me that I'm crazy and I'm going to be the cover model for the BPDs next annual "Babes in Blue" calendar."

"Is that what you want?"She had been teasing but when Jane blushed and didn't deny it immediately, Maura couldn't help but probe a little deeper. "You could be you know. I bet it would be a top seller."

"What? Wait, back up. No!" Jane shook her head rapidly, trying to get a handle on the conversation. "I was kidding. There is no such calendar." She leaned her head against the couch and when she dared to glance at Maura she could see the laughter in the hazel eyes. "And you knew that, didn't you?" She covered her eyes. "Can we please stay on topic?"

At Jane's dramatic gesture Maura chuckled and let it go. "Earlier you brought up Bonnie Evans. Why do you think that Officer Evans is never called a dyke even though she identifies as lesbian?"

Jane rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, that's easy. You've met Bonnie. Who would ever think she was a lesbian just by looking at her? She kind of reminds me of a suburban soccer mom in a cop suit. Uses makeup every day, her nails are always some random shade of pink and she wears that birthstone mom necklace from her kids. Not even the uniform utility belt can hide all that."

Maura nodded "But she works in law enforcement and, unlike you, she's even in uniform, but nobody assumes she's gay."

Exasperated Jane tossed up her hands. "But that's my point! She goes home to a wife every night but nobody seems to call her a dyke. But me," She pointed to her chest. "I'm not even gay and I get shit like that all the time. Even Korsak and Frost wanted to call me butch for fucks sake."

Maura took a small sip of her wine as she fully started to understand the situation. "Detective Frost meant it as a compliment. He was quite proud of your prowess."

Jane let out a long sigh and her voice was soft. "I know. I get that, but why did they both think I was butch?" She chewed at her bottom lip. "I try to remember to wear lipstick some of the time. I even keep it in the cruiser."

Reaching down with her free hand to rub the top of Jane's foot, Maura thought about changing course but she had promised an honest answer. "And as you pointed out Officer Evans also uses cosmetics and again, she is in a uniform that even you object to wearing, because has a very masculine cut. I believe you said it makes you look like a man."

Growling Jane yanked her foot away, drawing her knee up to her chest. "You are making me tired and I'm not even drinking. Is there a point here?"

Shaking her head, Maura closed her eyes. Always the hard way. "I was demonstrating that your assumption from earlier that your wardrobe was to blame for your current conflict of identity is erroneous. Both you and Officer Evans work in law enforcement. Both of you interact with the public and your colleagues on a regular basis. Officer Evans has greater wardrobe restrictions than you do, yet most people, including yourself, evaluate her expression of gender as more traditionally feminine. As such she apparently avoids the word dyke when used in a derogatory manner indicating a woman who adopts a masculine persona, appearance and gender role."

Jane dropped her forehead against her knee. "Why do I feel like we're talking in circles with the addition of bigger words?" She sighed loudly, dramatically as she looked up. "This is why I asked you if I looked like a dyke in the first place." She searched Maura's face for a hint of an answer. "So if you're trying to say it's not my clothes that are the problem then what the hell is?"

With a last sip of wine Maura put the glass down on the end table and moved to the middle of the couch. Patting Jane's legs she pulled both calves onto her lap. "Why do you assume that this is an issue or a problem?" Jane simply raised an eyebrow. "Fine if we're assuming this is a reason for distress..." She clasped both of Jane's legs with her hands. "You have to promise to work with me and listen without getting upset."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Fine."

"No, promise me." Maura shook the legs in her grasp.

Jane took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay." She again tried to get a hint out of the solemn expression looking back at her. "I promise."

Maura tightened her grip on Jane's calves and stared intently into her eyes.

"Jane, have you ever paid attention to how you behave around me?"


	5. Chapter 5

Please read Ch 1 for disclaimers…

* * *

"Paid attention to how I am around you?" Jane didn't even blink. The question was perfectly Maura. It was clearly stated, succinct even, but the possible responses were numerous. It didn't change the fact that there was something distinctly unsettling about the words mixed with the intense gaze. Instead it was easier to focus on the earnest set to Maura's features and try to decipher exactly what she was being asked. She continued to hold Maura's eyes as if the right one was going to flash within them. "You're going to have to clarify that one."

Watching the expressions filter over Jane's face would have been amusing if Maura hadn't known the direction this particular conversation needed to head. She nibbled at her bottom lip thinking. It was Jo Friday trotting into the room gave her the idea. Jane was a woman who understood action. The wheat colored terrier helped the situation when she jumped up on the couch to try to lick Jane's face, ducking all attempts to push her away. "It's getting late. Why don't we take Jo out for her walk while we talk?"

The word walk had turned Jo into an instant frenzied ball of tufted fur. "Jo knock it off" Jane continued to struggle to push the determined little dog away from her face as she struggled to sit up. "Nice one getting the dog to deflect for you Dr. Isles." Jane rolled her eyes at the attempted innocent smile tossed her way. "Don't bother denying it. I'm out of antihistamine and I don't want to watch you squirm for the rest of the night with hives."

"I'm not deflecting. I think a walk will help and Jo can benefit." Maura offered Jane a hand and tugged her to her feet.

Jane didn't bother saying another word as she made her way to the door to her apartment trying to puzzle out how walking Jo was going to help with the topic at hand.

While Jane clipped the leash on Jo's collar and laced up her sneakers, Maura stood back deliberately. Even when Jane stood back up and pulled a light fleece jacket on, ready to leave, Maura didn't move.

Jane started to fidget with the end of Jo's leash. She glanced at the door at her side and back to Maura. Jo started dancing at her feet, pulling toward the apartment door. "Earth to Maura." Jane gestured to the door. "This was your idea, what are you waiting for? Let's roll."

Maura looked around the room and at the door pointedly. "So go. I'm ready. Nothing is restraining you or preventing your exit from what I can see." Jane's forehead furrowed as her eyes widened. A perplexed Jane was an irritable Jane. Maura knew the next word out of Jane's mouth before a sound passed through her lips.

"Really!" Jane groaned impatiently. "I thought this was your idea to walk and talk." This time she flung open the door before stepping to the side and sweeping arm to the hallway. "So in order to do that let's get this show on the road before Jo has a doggy melt down or whatever it is that makes her vibrate like this."

Maura ducked her head to hide her smile as she exited out of the apartment with Jane at her back. At the door leading out of Jane's brownstone she thought about repeating the experiment but the last thing she wanted to do was to exasperate Jane further. She exited with Jane right at her back. Point one had been accomplished and they hadn't even made it out of the building.

At the bottom of the steps a warm hand pressed against her lower back and Maura stepped to the left. She looked up at Jane wondering if she ever even noticed what she did as they walked through the city night. They were almost at the intersection at the end of the block before Jane glanced over. "So?"

Maura nodded. "I think I could have phrased that question differently, but still..." She looked ahead at the stoplight and when it changed to green she started walking quickly, carefully judging the traffic flow. Time to create another example. As the rush of headlights approached she abruptly turned to the street and went to step off the curb ahead of Jane. "Let's head over to Mass Ave."

The flash of panic almost made her drop the leash "Hey! Whoa!" Jane grabbed Maura's elbow, pulling her back while stepping in front of her. "How about we not play chicken with oncoming traffic?"

The grip on her elbow was tight and the set of Jane's jaw showed the lines of tension down her neck. Maura almost felt badly as the cars finally reached them and rushed past. "You do realize I wasn't going to walk into oncoming traffic?" The grip on her arm didn't ease until they were both on the sidewalk. "But I'm sorry I frightened you. I think this topic has us both distracted."

Her heart still racing, Jane studied Maura for a moment before she nodded. "Let's skip Mass Ave. Too busy, even this time of night. I'd rather not have to explain at work that I got the Chief Medical Examiner flattened when I was trying to figure out how to fix my apparent ability to mimic a lesbian so well that the most frequent insult is to call me a big ol' dyke."

Maura winced at the tone Jane used and stopped walking.

Jo was busy intently sniffing along a cracked patch of sidewalk when Jane realized Maura was behind her, standing there with her arms crossed. "Now what?"

"I really wish you'd stop using the word dyke in such a derogatory fashion."

Jo kept trying to tug her towards the next tree and Jane pulled back. "But it was said to me in a derogatory fashion."

"And for some women it can represent a part of who they are that took a long time to accept and be proud of." Maura watched Jane tug at Jo to make her turn around. "Besides, think positively, breed positivity, think negativity, breed negativity."

Muttering off comments about breeding and frustrating women at a reluctant Jo, Jane marched back to Maura. "For the record that's another deflection but for the sake of peace I'll stop it. Besides you know what I mean."

"Perhaps I did, but right now I wonder. I'd rather not continue to use it negatively. When we do we give the negativity power."

"You make me tired." When Maura didn't yield, Jane groaned. "Fine, fine, fine. Whatever it takes tonight."

Standing there a light summer breeze made her shiver and Maura rubbed her arms.

"If you're cold we can head back in." When Maura shook her head and started walking again, Jane sighed and unzipped her jacket tugging it off.

The fleece was handed over to her wordlessly. Maura pushed it back at her. "I'm fine."

"You're cold." Jane held it the jacket back out. "Please put it on." When Maura looked ready to argue she shook it at her. "Please? You'll continue to fidget and then I'll feel guilty. The last thing I want to deal with tonight is feeling guilty over something I can actually fix." She pressed the fleece into Maura's stomach. "That is I could if you'll let me, so please put it on."

Maura slipped her arms into the sleeves and zipped the fleece up with a soft smile. This had been unplanned but it was the perfect example of what she was hoping to demonstrate. With that thought Maura stopped moving again.

"Jane."

Realizing Maura wasn't with her again, Jane spun around, this time not giving Jo the option of pulling back. Maura was standing a few feet back running her fingers over the sleeve of Jane's jacket, her expression intent.

Jane barely managed to repress the urge to slam her foot on the pavement but her voice was high pitched even to her own ears. "Oh come on, now what?"

Maura winced. Even Jo stopped moving and sat down, staring up at her.

Jane threw her hands up in frustration. "What on God's green earth is it going to take to get an answer around here?"

"Come here."


	6. Chapter 6

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers…

* * *

When Jane didn't move Maura sighed and caught up to her. Under the streetlight the brunette looked exhausted and frustrated. She linked their arms together and started walking. "Thank you for the jacket." Jane nodded and stared at Jo trotting ahead of them. With her free hand Maura gestured to a glowing window in the brownstone they were walking by. "How do you think we appear if someone were to look out that window right now?"

"Is that a trick question?" Jane shifted her eyes back to Maura's face. "We look like a couple of women out walking our dog."

And there it was. Perfect in its unconscious clarity. Maura reached her other hand over her body to squeeze Jane's bicep and pull her closer. "Yes we do. I couldn't have said it better myself. If somebody who didn't know either of us were to look at us right at this moment they'd assume we were walking our dog. Our dog, Jane. As in a two women as a couple out for a stroll with their pet."

It took her mind a moment to fully comprehend what Maura had inferred and a minute longer to even start to respond. Jane turned her head, wide eyed to look at Maura. "Oh my god." She tugged at her arm but Maura's grip on her arm was firm. "The answer is yes, isn't it?" She pulled her arm away and Maura glanced at her with a frown. "That's why you keep deflecting. It's because you're going to tell me that I… "She bit her tongue and stumbled for another word before practically growling out "That I look like that word I'm not supposed to use!"

There was a part of Maura that wanted to laugh as she stayed a step behind, letting Jane stride ahead again. Snippets of about Jane's line of work were mixed with points about Casey and stereotypes. A hand punctuated the air along with statements about owning lipstick and dresses and didn't Maura tell her that softball was a good team building exercise? They made it a halfway back to Jane's apartment before the flustered, ranting woman in front of her started to slow down.

Eventually the words ceased and Jane's pace slowed even further. All in all, she had carried on less than Maura had anticipated. A furtive glance was tossed at her over Jane's shoulder and a few steps later another. When guilty brown eyes glanced back at her for the third time Maura increased her pace enough to catch up. "Do you feel better now?" Jane winced. "Have you finished venting your frustration enough to let me explain?" There was a sigh followed by a sheepish nod.

Jo pulled Jane towards yet another sidewalk grate and Jane let the terrier take over for a moment. "But before you say anything else about us looking like a couple, I want to point out that you link arms with your mother too so don't put this all on me. I'm not the one who is hanging all over you."

"I never realized it bothered you." Maura tried to keep her voice and body language contained. "Some people might consider it a sign of affection. I thought it appropriate for the difficulty you were having with the conversation."

The drive to argue drained out of her when she heard the reserved edge to Maura's voice. "It doesn't bother me." Jane bumped her shoulder against Maura's as she took her arm back. "Really. I was reacting and I shouldn't. If this makes somebody call me a dyke, well, screw them." They walked in silence a few feet before their eyes met again and they shared a quick smile before glancing away. Jane cleared her throat. "I'm ready to hear the rest of whatever it is you have to say."

Maura took a deep breath and let it out. "Think back to when we were about to leave your apartment. You waited to follow me out remember? Even when I waited for a few minutes. You got annoyed at me but you waited on me rather than walk out first." Maura glanced over at Jane and saw lines form along Jane's forehead and cheeks while she puzzled through the information.

"Well that's because it's my place and I should let you leave first."Jane let Jo pull them over to a streetlamp.

Maura tried again. "What if I had been Casey? When you left your apartment the last time you were together who walked out your apartment door first that morning?"

Awareness prickled up Jane's spine, the turn in the conversation beginning to feel uncomfortable again. "I don't see the relevance." Maura gave her a hard look. "Fine. Me."

Maura softened her tone. Reminding herself that this was delicate. "Quite often when we walk together you tend to walk on the side of me closest to the street, like right now."

Casey did let her exit first. She did tend to put herself between Maura and traffic. Jane rubbed her opposite bicep with her free hand, part to ward of the night air and part to hold onto something when Jo objected to the tugging leash she had to stop. It was just what they did."And my position while we walk is important why?"

Maura shoved her free hand into the pocket of Jane's jacket. She could feel the anxiety returning and her words came out a little rushed. "Because it's the same instinct that makes you put your hand on my elbow to help me up a set of steps or ensure the way is clear before we cross a street. It's innate behavior for you."

With a dismissive snort, Jane rolled her eyes. "That's called being protective. I'm the first one to admit to that. I also got into a number of fights defending my brothers growing up and I'm not considered gay for them."

This was becoming more difficult than Maura had anticipated. She let out a sigh. "Yes you are protective. I'd even imagine that tendency played a large part in your career choice, but, do you put yourself between traffic and Frankie? " When Jane looked ready to argue, she decided to try another example. "Okay forget the door to your apartment and forget our walk for the moment. Picture both of us approaching the front doors to BPD. What happens?

The picture was one that was easy to see. It happened almost daily. Jane could see them walking up to the front steps together, Maura in whatever ridiculous heels she picked for the day, maybe carrying coffee for them both. She'd pass over a cup and then…suddenly it hit Jane clearly. She could feel the fabric of Maura's coat under her hand up the steps, she could see herself walking just off to the side until they hit the front door and Jane would grab the handle and pull it open so Maura could enter.

Maura had slowed down her pace and Jane realized they were almost back to her apartment. The doctor was looking up at her intently, gauging her reaction. Jane gave a long sigh, she was the one asked for honesty. "I hold open the door for you."

When the tension seemed to drain out of Jane, Maura knew she was starting to make sense. "How about when you're leaving the bullpen with Detective Frost and Sergeant Korsak? Who holds open the door?"

"First person to the door opens it and we file through."She shot Maura a sharp look. "Like normal people."

Unperturbed Maura continued. "So they don't hold it for you?"

Jane shrugged. "I'm their colleague. The last thing I want is the two of them tripping over their feet trying to be chivalrous. That shit isn't going to work out in the field. So hell no, I don't want either one of them playing Prince Charming or being a knight in shining armor. I've worked too hard for that bullshit."

"I'm your colleague too Jane." Maura tightened her hold on Jane's arm again. "So in the work environment it is safe to say that when you interact with me you open doors and quite often guide me through with a hand on my back but if they were to do the same it would perhaps disturb you?"

"Maura I'm sure in that circumstance if they touched me it would fall under some sort of sexual harassment policy!" Jane was relieved to see her apartment ahead. Sorting out this conversation was confusing the hell out of her. "Can we get to the heart of this whole, Jane opens doors debate? I'll admit it. I open doors for you."

Maura pulled Jane closer. "I'm trying to. Now again, back to Casey. When you go to dinner with Casey who holds open the door?"

"He does." Jane muttered off to the side, now realizing what Maura was saying. "I don't see how this makes me into a lesbian."

"You never asked me if I thought you were a lesbian. That is hardly the point of this discussion. You asked me how you come across to others and if the way you present yourself might trigger people to refer to you in a derogatory way as a dyke." Jane's brownstone was the next one and Maura slowed a down a bit more. "I'm attempting to give you scientific proof to help you interpret my thoughts and reasoning."

"I didn't really ask all for this. It was kind of a yes, no, thing, but whatever." Jane matched her step to Maura's. "From my perspective about the only thing we've proved so far is that I open doors and make sure you don't end up as road kill." She gestured to herself. "Or in other words, I have a little something we commonly call manners."

They reached the bottom of the steps at Jane's brownstone.

"You have impeccable manners but can you not see what I am trying to show you?" Maura stopped and turned, sliding her arm away so she could grab Jane's wrists as she faced her. "To an outside observer who doesn't know you the way you often express yourself, especially around me, is..."

Maura squeezed the wrists under her hands, forcing Jane to keep looking at her "… decidedly masculine by local cultural standards."

Maura looked at Jane intently for a moment before gently squeezing one last time, releasing her grip to head up the steps.


	7. Chapter 7

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers…

* * *

When she reached the front door and Jane still hadn't followed her up the steps Maura turned around. Jane was sitting at the bottom of the steps slumped against the railing. Was the choice for complete honesty a miscalculation on her part? Maura wished she could see her expression but the other woman didn't even glance her way. When she realized she was spinning the ring on her finger and irritating the skin on her finger, Maura shoved her hands into the pockets of Jane's fleece and started back down the steps.

Maura's legs appeared first and when Jane looked up Maura offered a quick quirk of her lips before dropping gracefully beside her. Jane sighed, watching a jogger stride up her street. "I don't like this day." Jo meandered up a step and sat on the stairs between her calves and Jane reached down to play with her ears. "My best friend just called me a man."

Maura slid over a little closer to Jane. "No she didn't. I don't think you heard her correctly."

"Yes, she did." Jane tugged at the long hair along Jo's neck. "I'll have you know my hearing tested perfectly at my last physical."

Lifting herself up a little Maura shifted until she was pressed against Jane's side. "I believe what I said was that to a casual observer, a person who did not know you, that some of your mannerisms and reactions manifest themselves as traditionally masculine."

"Same thing." Jane curled over and buried her head in her arms, muffling her words. "You might be more polite when you say it but even you think I'm like a guy."

"Hardly." She couldn't help the sarcastic snort that escaped. "If I did think that I'd have to say right now you make a pretty sad excuse for one."

Frowning, Jane tilted her head from her arms to glare up and Maura. "Seriously? Now on top of everything else, I'm a piss poor example of a man?"

Chuckling, Maura scratched her hand lightly along Jane's upper back. "You need to make up your mind what you're upset about. First you're disturbed that I called some of your mannerisms masculine and now you're offended that I didn't reaffirm you're a machismo stud."

They made eye contact and when Maura quirked her eyebrows both burst out laughing.

Jane was the first to recover, sitting back up, rubbing her cheeks. "This day has been so weird." She tapped Maura's knee with the back of hand. "But now I'm curious. What makes me such an inadequate man?"

Hearing the words out of Jane's mouth made Maura regret the uncouth way she had phrased her thoughts."Well that was rather inappropriate for me to say. Many men in today's society are unafraid to express all sides of their identity, including those traits traditionally considered female and…" She was cut off when Jane grabbed her wrist.

"Maura!" Jane let go of Maura's arm." In the context of this discussion, please. You can be politically correct again in five minutes."

Maura narrowed her gaze. There were so many things faulty with Jane's last statement. Jane countered her glare with wide begging eyes and Maura let out a long sigh. "Fine, but I reserve the right to discuss this later." Jane grinned at her in victory. "Well to start, one could, perhaps, infer that any self respecting man would hardly be caught pouting on his front steps bemoaning the fact that somebody called him an inappropriate name."

"I'm not pouting!" When her voice hit a higher pitch Jane flushed red and they both started laughing again. "Okay I'll give you that one. That wasn't very manly."

"This is exactly what I am trying to demonstrate." Maura linked their arms together, needing the connection as she pressed forward. "You are very complex. I've told you that before. Every time I think I understand you I find out I've barely even begun." Jane just rolled her eyes. " You can be strong, authoritative and protective one moment and the next moment be as you are right now." She leaned against Jane. "A little dramatic, uncertain and needing reassurance." A quick glance to the side showed that Jane was still staring down at Jo Friday but her body language was self conscious and rigid. "All traits often associated with women."

Jane sorted softly, refusing to look up. "Oh please, you've been around Frankie right?"

"Jane." Maura let her exasperation quietly color the words. "All I am trying to say at this moment, in a way that won't offend or be misinterpreted by you, is that you possess a certain masculine femininity. If I were to truly speculate without honest research, I believe that is a trait more freely expressed in the LGBTQ community. Valued even, and as such, dyke is commonly used as a slur to indicate someone who does not fit into someone else's ideal box of feminine expression." She rubbed her thumb along Jane's arm. "Society fears that which is different, because to be different you make them call into question all that they believe about themselves."

"Alright, I get you." Jane sighed and stopped fiddling with Jo's fur. "I'm a freak that acts like a man and whines like a girl." The pinch to her arm made startled her and sent Jo back down the steps. "Ow!" She frowned at Maura but the scowl she was faced with as she rubbed her arm made her sigh again and slump back down.

"Not funny. That is not what I meant and you know it Detective. I could point out your reluctance to discuss difficult topics is your own version of deflection." Maura reached for Jane's arm again and pulled her closer. "Why did you give me your jacket?"

"Because you were cold."

Maura nodded. "But you are cold now correct?"

Jane gave a little shake of her head. "No, I'm good."

Maura ran her hand down Jane's arm until she could squeeze her hand gently. "Your fingers are cold." She brought her other hand over and rubbed chilled fingers. "I'm wearing your jacket because I was cold. It bothered you that I was uncomfortable. You're protective of me to the point where you naturally put yourself between me and something that could, possibly cause me harm. You naturally open doors and quite often guide me as we walk. All of this is natural and innate to Jane Rizzoli. Nobody can teach you to be this way. This is part of you." She sat up a little and let go of Jane's hand, offering a retreat but Jane didn't move.

Maura traced her fingers along Jane's knee. "We haven't even discussed what it takes to be who you are in your line of work. You have to be certain, forceful, clever and dynamic to do what you do. You had to learn to be strong in any situation, in front of any type of person. And you do your job exceedingly well because all those things were in you to start with. Natural to you. More innate characteristics." The next words came out quietly when Jane's focus fell back on her. "Sometimes people will see you do something conventionally masculine and make assumptions." She let her hand go still. "Perhaps if they see the way you are with me, even more so. I would apologize for that but I won't. I don't want you to change."

Maura stared out over the parked cars at the curb aware of Jane staring at her, evaluating every word in silence. Her next words were wistful. "I wish I understood why this was now bothering you."

Jane shrugged. "I don't know. I never really thought about it before. I've been living my life like I always do but with everything going on over the past year…I'm not in my 20s anymore, hell I'm not even in my early 30s…and…" She drifted off for a moment and cleared her throat. "I just wondered what other people see when they look at me." Jane picked Maura's hand back up with both of her own, pressing them together. "So thank you for humoring me. I think I get it."

Maura didn't know how long they sat there watching the city night take over. More lights turned on in apartments, parking spaces filled up and people walked by with strollers and dogs. At some point Jane had started playing with the fingers of the hand she still held. Daring to look over she could see the lines of thought creasing her face. "This is still bothering you, isn't it?"

Rolling her neck to ease the tension, Jane sighed. "Maybe. I don't know. I wonder if I should tone it down a little, try to soften the edges. Learn how to be a bit more girly or something."

"I wish you didn't feel that way, I truly do." Maura chewed her lip thinking. When Jo came up to her and shoved her nose into her leg, she reached down and stroked the dog. The terrier looked up at her with a blissful expression. For a minute she wished people could be more like dogs. Jo lived for the moment and for the day. She was exactly what she was and didn't suffer a moment's distress from being who she was. Jo Friday was happy being Jo Friday.

Maura stopped patting the dog and looked over at Jane. "How about we run a little social experiment?"


	8. Chapter 8

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers…

* * *

Rubbing the back of her neck, Jane smiled absently at a few colleagues as they brushed by. When Martinez walked by and nodded at her, instead of nodding back she squared her shoulders and forced out a "Good morning." Her voice felt rusty, weak. Martinez's eyes flew open and he stared at her like she had a second head. Bastard was so bewildered that he knocked into Cavanaugh. Both of them watched, horrified as the Lieutenant's coffee arced into a glorious black puddle on the pavement. She bit the inside of her cheek trying not to laugh. Now that shit was funny. Point one for her and Maura wasn't even here to see it.

Walking past Martinez amid his flurry of, "Sorry Sir! Could I get you another cup Sir?" Jane grinned as she headed for the front steps of the BPD. With each step she mentally reviewed Maura's rules for the day. It shouldn't be that difficult. Not with a start like that. She was Jane Fucking Rizzoli and she'd been undercover enough times in her career that adapting to a different persona for a day was not exactly a challenge. Hell she didn't even have to wear anything different for this one. Piece of cake.

But wearing her own clothing or not, it didn't change the fact that this entire little experiment of Maura's wasn't borderline bizarre, even for Maura. And that was saying something.

Jane let off a long sigh. And thanks to the general rules she couldn't even bitch to Frost. Nobody could know except for herself and Maura. On the surface the challenge was simple. Pretend to be more like Maura for a day. Well she'd managed to be very Maura-like to Martinez so point one to her. Though she'd imagine Maura wouldn't be cursing the bastard out in her head or enjoying every second of his scrambling next to Cavanaugh but whatever, nobody was perfect.

Stifling a yawn, Jane looked around to try and spot Maura. They'd agreed to meet here and Maura was on coffee duty. And right now caffeine was going to be her new best friend. When she had finally agreed to Maura's crazy idea it had been late enough that if this entire experience was a disaster she was blaming exhaustion induced insanity. Not that she hadn't argued. For hours. But Maura had been persistent. Infuriatingly, logically, persistent. And when Maura got into that kind of mood Jane was knew one fact as absolute truth. Go along with whatever was in the doctor's head.

Except she hadn't at first and now she was paying for the hours of missed sleep.

This time a yawn escaped and Jane blinked watery eyes. Why she had bothered debating anything was beyond her. From the minute Maura had used that tone Jane knew she wasn't going to win and there would have been less stress on everyone involved. A lot less stress. Because in the end the result was the same. She caved. But only after Maura promised her coffee.

Jane rubbed her thumb between her eyes, trying to ease the tension. So she'd sold her soul for the promise of a latte and now that latte was uncharacteristically late. Glancing up the street she finally spotted her salvation at the intersection, walking with Susie, their pace dictated by the five inch torture devices of the day. Thank fucking god she wasn't supposed to change what she wore. A full work day pinched into kitten heeled pumps was sadistic. She'd say hi to Martinez but no freakin' way was she going to toddle around all day in one of Maura's get-ups.

Wrinkling her nose as she waited for Maura to approach, Jane had to admit when she woke up this morning a part of her had been curious to see how the little experiment played out, while the rest of her hoped they'd catch a case. Even a shooting over in Dorchester would work. It was the only way out. In two hours of negotiations the only concession she'd wrangled out of Maura was the agreement that all bets were off if an actual case came in. Maura had yielded to that point right before she'd left for the night, with a last wave over her shoulder and the promise of a latte.

Muttering to herself, Jane mentally reviewed her cover and prepped her reactions. Like making herself stay right where she was and not running over to grab the laden coffee tray from Maura. Not that Maura had noticed she was standing there. Susie was going on and on about something while they crossed the street. Jane started to tap her foot impatiently before realizing what she was doing and stilling her body. Maura would not get visibly impatient. No, Maura would take a deep cleansing breath or something to clear her head. Whatever Susie was saying caused Maura nodded enthusiastically and the early morning summer sun caught her highlights, hair bouncing along her shoulders as the light twisted around the curl.

Hands in her pockets, Jane decided to stop watching Maura's decidedly ladylike approach. She took the first deep breath, exhaling nosily. That was probably wrong. She was probably supposed to let it out slowly, like they did in yoga. Almost guilty Jane glanced back and studied Maura's approach again. How did Maura walk all day like that? Was it a trick? A class you had to take? Because there was no way Jane could imagine having to take pretty, gliding steps all day because of a set of shoes. Even if your legs did look fabulous while doing it.

When Susie offered to take the pastry bag and Maura handed it over, Jane twitched, wondering what Susie could be saying that was possibly that funny because Maura still hadn't spotted her. When Maura clearly smiled in thanks, Jane gave up trying to breathe her way into a more tolerant frame of mind and settled for chewing on the inside of her cheek so she would at least looking like she was trying to channel her inner Dr. Isles before they walked up.

The busy workday traffic rumbled by while Jane pulled her hands out of her pockets and rubbed her upper arms before glancing back at the approaching pair. Standing around while Maura carried all that crap was making her skin crawl. With each step that brought Maura closer it felt weirder and weirder to stand there. Unexpectedly weird.

But Maura had been clear on her way out the door last night, grabbing her hand firmly, eyes searching and intense. "Jane this means you will have to think before you react around me too. If you have to, pretend I'm Casey. To be more precise, if you wouldn't behave that way towards Casey, you can't behave that way towards me."

She still had no idea how she was supposed to respond to that. But odd as it had seemed last night, this morning it honestly was giving her some vague idea of how to react. Because Maura certainly did not look like Casey, not in that skirt and blouse that was cut a little low. Jane wondered if that one was new. She hadn't noticed it before. But really, about the only thing stopping her from walking over was that if Maura was Casey, and Casey was the one carrying that coffee tray, Jane might have walked up and thanked him, but she wouldn't have grabbed it out of his hands. So she stood there and waited.

Of course now that she was picturing the same scene with Casey, Jane decided that she would have walked up and perhaps wrapped a hand around his elbow as they walked into the station together. But that wouldn't happen with Maura.

Maura hand finally spotted her and Jane returned the full smile with a little wave. Yep, normally she'd be the one with the coffee tray and then Maura would be the one to grab her arm and they'd…. Jane felt herself freeze. Her brain wouldn't stop superimposing the two images. Her with Casey versus her with Maura. She shook her head a little. Closed her eyes before popping them open and this time Maura was right in front of her.

"I was worried you wouldn't sleep well after I left." Maura gently pushed the coffee tray at Jane. "You need to go to bed on time tonight. Yours is the one on the far right."

Jane stared at the tray of cups. Right. Coffee tray. Without thinking she went to take the tray and Maura cleared her throat loudly and gave a slight shake of her head.

Jumping back like she had been shocked, Jane tried to ignore the puzzled look Susie was giving her as she rubbed her hands together and pushed the thoughts of Maura and Casey firmly way. Carefully prying the cup off the tray Jane tried to get her back into character. Maura didn't need her to take the tray. Susie already had the pastry bag. She smiled at both women while she sipped her coffee. "Well good morning to you too Dr. Isles." With a small glance at Susie she couldn't help herself. "I didn't get enough sleep because somebody wouldn't shut up last night." Susie didn't even flinch and Jane barely stopped herself from glaring.

Unperturbed Maura started walking towards the front steps. "Well if you wouldn't be quite so stubborn we'd have ended the entire debate hours earlier." At the bottom step Maura gave Jane a half smile with an eyebrow raised in challenge. "After you Detective."

Jane glanced between the door and Maura before rolling her eyes and marching up the steps. At the front doors to the BPD she gave a small smile over her shoulder. She so had this now. Pulling open the door she went to walk though when suddenly it was yanked wide open. Jane whipped her head around as Susie held the door open with a huge smile.

"Dr. Isles, please, let me!" Maura walked through with a small smile and a thank you.

Jane stared resolutely ahead. Glaring at Susie was likely not considered a feminine, refined reaction. She started walking to the elevators.

Maura caught up and pulled lightly at Jane's elbow until Jane looked at her. "Susie was telling me about her plans for this weekend. She is going to be working on a Habitat for Humanity project in Somerville. Isn't that wonderful?"

Jane gritted her teeth. She could not look at Susie but she made sure her voice was light and approving. "How wonderful. Great to give back to the community." When Maura gave Susie a full on smile of appreciation as she hit the down button, Jane couldn't even rationalize why she wanted to grab that bag of pastry out of Susie's hands and follow Maura downstairs. With self restraint she never realized she had, Jane hit the up button once, carefully and, by her estimation, darn delicately.

Maura gave Jane a little wave with her free hand when the down elevator arrived first. "I'll be up with the pastry as soon as I settle in to see how you are doing." Then with a ghost of a wink she was back discussing Susie's weekend plans as the doors shut.

Playing with her hands, Jane tried not to growl. There was something about Susie that got on her nerves and she actually liked the scientist. The woman was a little offbeat. Kind of cool really. Not totally unlike Maura. Taking a long swig of her coffee Jane decided she needed to be nicer to Susie next time she saw her. As the crowd of people for the elevator accumulated around her, Jane wondered if Casey would be bothered if she got into to an involved conversation with Frost around him. Or if he'd feel somehow left out. She was in the middle of trying to puzzle that out when the doors to her elevator up opened and it hit her.

She was not Casey. Maura was supposed to be Casey.

Wait. No. That wasn't right.

Maura never said she was Casey. Not exactly.

People started to pour off the elevator and Jane could feel a headache coming on. This day had barely started and she felt like she was walking through a carnival maze of funhouse mirrors, everything was distorted and flipped around. Brown and Lee wished her a good morning as they passed by her and she did her best to give them a pleasant smile. Lee actually looked a little afraid and Brown looked her up and down. "Damn Rizzoli, better drink that coffee there, you're going to scare all the new uniforms."

Jane tried to freeze her expression and bit her tongue to hold back the retort. By sheer willpower she managed to avoid saying a single nasty word as they walked away.

She was a lady. God damn it.

Jane pushed her way in and toward the back, slumping against the wall as the doors slid shut. Today was going to be a long day. She could feel it in her gut.

A really, really, long, fucking day.


	9. Chapter 9

Please see Ch 1 for disclaimers…

* * *

"Hey you okay?"

Jane stopped chewing the side of her thumb and brought her attention back to Frost. "Just peachy." She shook her head a little and got back into character. "Honestly, I'm fine. Thank you for asking. How are you?"

Frost gave her a hard look. "About the same as I was a few hours ago when we said good morning." When Jane didn't roll her eyes or even raise an eyebrow Frost tipped his chair so he could clearly see around his computer monitor and studied her.

Jane avoided eye contact and looked around the room but even the regular hum of activity seemed somewhat subdued. "I think I might be a little bored. Let's switch it up. I'll finish my reports this afternoon. Want to pull the Vensel case out again?"

"You really think that one's a homicide don't you?" Frost rapidly clicked through the screens on his computer, saving and closing documents.

Jane sighed. "It feels dirty."

"Old people do die at home." Frost searched the system and pulled up the information. "You want to handle putting up the board again?"

Jane nodded and pulled the box out from under her desk. It was bent and a little battered. It was one of her unsolveds that she couldn't let go of. For the past 8 months every time she had a moment, she'd pull it out and try to see what it was that they missed. "I know old people die at home but Maura's tox screen indicated she had the perfect cocktail combination for murder in her system."

"Yeah but she had legal prescriptions for both." Frost sighed, he couldn't see it. "Are you sure nothing is bothering you? You only pull out that case when you're frustrated about something."

"I'm good." Jane pried the lid off the box and looked at the folders inside for a moment before slamming the cover back down on it. "Actually I'm not good. I just turned down a couple of tickets right behind home plate for tomorrow's Red Sox game."

"Why the hell did you do that?" Shocked Frost shifted so he could look at Jane across his desk.

Kicking the box off to the side, Jane groaned when she realized exactly how she was behaving. Closing her eyes Jane took a deep breath and tried to find some inner calm. "Because isn't that what Maura would have done?"

When she opened her eyes Frost was staring at her like she had suddenly sprouted an extra head.

"What does Maura have to do with you not accepting prime tickets?"

Crap. Jane tried to come up with some plausible reason.

Frost's forehead was creased and he leaned back in his chair. "You have been acting bizarre all morning. Is this some girl thing? Is that why I didn't get the memo? Are you are Maura fighting again?"

"What? Girl thing? Are you serious?" Jane started to cross her arms over her chest, realized what she was doing and slowly lowered her arms. She bit the inside of her cheek to snap herself out her frustration. This was not Frost's fault. "And no, Maura and I are not fighting but thank you for being concerned."

Frost's expression wasn't one that Jane had ever seen before. Somewhere between incredulous and worried.

"Look, whatever is wrong with you is driving me nuts, Jane. You didn't even tell Crowe off when he took the last of the coffee and didn't make another pot. Martinez invited you for lunch and you told him you'd think about it but it was unlikely with your workload." Frost smirked. "I don't know who was more surprised, him or me." Frost leaned forward. "But for the record, no, Maura would not have turned down those tickets. She may have offered to pay for them but she would have taken them."

Startled Jane tried to imagine in what situation Maura would have wanted tickets to a Red Sox game. "I don't see it."

Frost rubbed a hand over his head and snorted. "Of course you don't." He ignored the look leveled at him.

"Now who is being weird? You put something special in your coffee this morning? They're not covered and you know the forecast calls for a chance of light rain." Jane sighed. "It's early enough in the season that I don't think she'd go to a game in cold, damp, conditions. Probably would worry about her clothes or hair or something."

Frost chuckled. "You are so wrong there partner." He watched a small 'v' form between Jane's eyes. Tried not to laugh at the confusion and didn't bother pointing out that Jane automatically assumed Maura would be going with her no matter what the situation rather than taking someone else. "She would have taken the tickets because she would know you'd want them."

Jane considered his words for a moment before giving a small shrug. He had a point. Maura probably would take the tickets and surprise her with them. For a moment a warm feeling spread rolled through her and she couldn't help the smile, missing Frost slight headshake before he turned back to his computer.

She tapped the case box with her toe for a few moments when a solid fact slammed to the forefront of her thoughts.

"Ha!" Jane jumped her feet startling Frost in the process. "She acts like it's all me and I knew that couldn't be right!"

Frost felt like they were having two separate conversations. "You're losing me here Jane. What isn't right?"

But Jane was already stalking towards the door with a wave over her shoulder. "I'll be right back, I have to go down and see Maura for a minute."

Maura slowly dragged her eyes from the report she was typing when Jane burst into her office. "Am I to ascertain by your entrance that the experiment is not going well?"

Jane stopped abruptly. "What? No…" She down at herself, then back to Maura as she sat primly behind her desk, legs crossed at the ankle, shoulders straight, before looking behind her at the office door that she had stormed through without even knocking. "Fuck." She collapsed onto the sofa, thought about fixing her posture and slumped further back. "I can't do this."

Maura went back to typing her report. "I would imagine that trying to monitor every natural action in a familiar setting would be trying. I know you thought this would be easy because of your undercover experience, but this is different. Everything here is familiar and part of who you are." She hit save before looking at Jane sprawled on her sofa, making a decision that enough was enough for today. "Was there something you needed to share?"

Remembering her original intent Jane struggled to sit up. "Yes!" She leaned forward. "This experiment thing of yours is flawed." Springing to her feet Jane walked towards the desk. "I've been thinking that you might be right. That maybe how I interact with everyone is the reason everyone thinks I'm a big ol' dyke." She leaned across the desk and rapped her knuckles against the glass. "But now I realize that you really don't help the situation and I just lost Red Sox tickets because of it! PRIME tickets to tomorrow night's game!"

Abandoning her report Maura let out a sigh and logged out of the computer. "Help me here. How did I impede you having baseball tickets?"

"Because Johnston couldn't use them and owed me for covering during his wife's surgery so he offered them to me." Jane tossed her hands in the air. "And I was thinking, what would Maura do? And I realized that you would probably thank him but it's not like attending a live game on a cold spring night would be your idea of fun. Even if they were prime seats. Especially because they're so close you could hear the bat crack but that also means they're out in the open and with the potential for light rain I figured you'd never even consider it. Then I realized I can't think of too many women that would find that kind of night fun." Jane pointed her finger at Maura. "So I said no thank you. This is totally on you."

Maura sighed softly. "I believe you could have could have accepted the tickets. The experiment is only for today, the game is tomorrow night."

"Great, fantastic, now you tell me there are other exceptions. Fat lot of good it did me too. Johnston looked at me like I was an alien or something. I think he gave them to Korsak." Jane started pacing along the length of the desk. "But that isn't why I'm here. Frost is completely weirded out by me today so he finally called me on it." She stopped dead in front of Maura and put her hands on her hips. "I blamed it on turning down the tickets and it kind of slipped that I turned them down because that was what you'd do." Jane waved a hand in the air "And you want to know what he said?"

Maura shrugged, head slightly tilted, fully intrigued.

"He said you would have taken the damn tickets." Jane pointed a finger at Maura. "He said you would have taken the tickets so that you could go to the game with me." She went back to pacing.

Maura watched Jane's trajectory around her office, patiently waiting but other than constant motion Jane didn't seem to be able to offer anything else. "So am I to understand that I'm not supposed to do anything nice for you? Something I know you'd enjoy and appreciate?"

"Huh?" Jane stopped mid stride. "Not what I was getting at."

"Then what exactly are you trying to say?" Maura glanced at the clock. It was a little early for lunch but she could make an exception for today.

Jane let out a groan. "I don't know exactly!" She studied Maura for a moment. "All I know is that last night you asked me if I was aware of how I behaved around you and how that might make people see me as a big ol' lesbian so answer me this. Would you have taken the tickets if you knew I wasn't going to be able to go to the game?"

Maura sighed, positive of where this was going now. "No."

Jane nodded. "Would you have taken them if you knew that I could go?"

Biting her lip Maura nodded. Jane was so very good at her job.

"And you would have wanted to go with me? Even with the current forecast?"

Another nod.

"So there we go." Jane took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I can get how some asshole that I am arresting can call me a dyke based on the way I'm dressed and the fact that I just nailed his ass. I mean at least when I think about it and stop being a blubbering baby over it." She studied Maura, noting the pinched look on her face. "Same goes for an asswipe like Martinez, where the highlight of his day is pissing me off and he is a detective so he should at least be able to figure out how to get under my skin." Rubbing her hands together, thumbs pressing against the scars Jane could feel something elusive teasing though her thoughts. "But I've been paying attention today and it's not like I run around trying to open doors for everything in a skirt."

Jane rested her hands on the desk and leaned over. "So I have to ask. Dr. Isles, have you ever thought about how you behave around me?"

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A/N - Last new chapter... hopefully my usual FFnet crew will also enjoy, warts and all...little different than my longer chapters etc. Let me know if you enjoy.

Also - in a writing exercise I do "play" with the characters a bit. Some people might feel that they slip OOC a bit, before this was always a private endeavor so I didn't have to worry... I won't say I worry but I do want to put it out there that I'm aware I'm using the characters to explore something.


	10. Chapter 10

Please read Ch 1 for disclaimers…

BUT HOLD YOUR HORSES – CharlietheCAG is playing beta. This is very very nice of her and very very good for all you dear readers. She's all about your reading pleasure. Make sure you say thank you when out and about (especially on tumblr) – Thanks Charlie :) (right now she is twitching because I'm sure I made a billion errors in this unedited paragraph)

* * *

Nothing with Jane was ever simple.

Maura let out a long sigh and met Jane's gaze evenly but the detective didn't budge. Minutes slipped by and Jane remained practically immobile, looming over her with a delighted smirk lighting up her face.

Shaking her head lightly Maura took a quick glance at her watch. It was still a bit too early for lunch but it didn't matter. Some conversations were better served up with distraction. Food could provide that.

Without a word she stood up and grabbed her purse and walked to her office door to grab her coat. Looking back over her shoulder she noticed Jane still standing by her desk. The posture was not unlike that moment in an interrogation when Jane was positive she had the situation managed.

Maura watched Jane look her up and down, analyzing her, before turning to face her fully with a hip resting up against her desk.

Maura narrowed her eyes. Jane was feeling cocky. Full of herself as it were. Asking politely was not going to work at the moment. A direct order however might. "Come on, let's go."

Jane folded her arms over her chest. "Go where?"

"Lunch. I'm buying." Maura waited patiently hoping the offer of food would buy her leverage.

With a quick glance at her phone, Jane shook her head. "I don't think so. It's too early."

Turning around to hide her groan, Maura pulled her coat off the rack. "No, I don't believe it is." With her light green coat and her patience in hand, she turned to face Jane. "I was thinking Davios."

"I'm not ready for lunch. Especially there." Jane pushed off the desk and slowly stalked over, determined to get the upper hand back. "Nice try. You're deflecting."

Amused by the prowl, Maura stood her ground, letting Jane invade her personal space. She waited a moment before handing over her coat with a little shrug. "Deflecting what? And you love their steak."

"Maura!" Jane couldn't help the high pitched whine as she accepted the coat and held it open for Maura to put on. "Come on. Do you know how exhausting you are sometimes? I haven't been able to get a simple answer out of you in 24 hours and you're trying to bribe me with steak?"

Buttoning up and tying the belt, Maura couldn't help the small victory smile. Nature would always rise to the surface. "I thought I was answering you."

Maura was smiling at her, perfectly pleased. Jane felt like she was missing something and confusion creased her forehead. "By running away from the situation?"

"Hardly." Shifting her purse to her arm Maura walked out the door and started down the hall, raising her voice so it would carry back to Jane. "If I was running away I would not, as you phrased it, just have given you your answer. Now I would like to go to lunch, let's go."

For a second all Jane could do was stare at the empty doorway. Maura did not just leave. She did not just walk away like that.

Jane put both hands on her hips. Enough was enough.

As if she, Jane Rizzoli, was about to follow Maura Isles' command, simply because _someone_ had decided she wanted to go to lunch?

After Jane had just quite clearly told her no?

And somehow a piece of steak was making this okay?

Jane tried to keep from tapping her foot and failed. She was not going to budge an inch, Maura could come right back and explain herself.

The office threshold remained empty. A tech walked by pushing a cart of chemicals and stared at her for a second before quickly looking away.

Jane rubbed a hand over the back of her neck. Nope she was not going to simply follow Maura. Even if it was really good steak. Even though she did love the caramelized onions on top and the fantastic steak fries.

After all there were times when holding one's ground was important in any relationship.

Even Casey had learned that he wasn't going to ever get to toss out that marmite.

Minutes ticked by.

The doorway remained maddeningly empty. Jane leaned forward trying to catch sounds of returning footsteps. And what in the heck did Maura mean, that she had already answered?

Annoyed, Jane glanced around the empty office and realized there was only one way to find out. And that one way was gliding through the hallway on her way out to lunch.

Growling out a 'Jesus Christ' under her breath, Jane look off through the door letting her longer stride close the distance.

Patiently waiting by the elevator, Maura couldn't help but enjoy the indignant body language and emphatic hand gestures that always livened up these more fervent discussions between them. One of the things she loved was the passion Jane brought to every little thing she did. Maura almost wished she could hear whatever it was that Jane was muttering under her breath. Almost.

Dark eyes bore into hers.

Finally at the elevator Jane punched at the button to go up a few times. "If you keep doing this running out thing Dr. Isles, I swear I am going to start using the cuffs."

There were a few things Maura had learned during their friendship. One key lesson was when she managed to get Jane to do as she wished despite the other woman's feelings to the contrary, ignoring sarcastic retort commentary was a must. Anything else simply complicated the situation.

The next lesson was that changing the subject was a good method to redirect focus. "You do realize it won't make the elevator arrive faster, no matter how many times you strike the button."

"Uh huh. So you keep telling me, and I keep telling you it makes me feel better." Jane hit the button one more time for good measure. "Right now, I'm taking what satisfaction I can get."

Maura didn't bother saying another word as she stepped onto the elevator. Jane stood beside her, eyes looking straight ahead with her hands clasped behind her back, rocking lightly against the heels of her boots as the elevator climbed.

It wasn't until they were out of the Precinct and walking through the parking garage that Jane started glancing at her. Maura wondered if she should start counting down to the moment when Jane realized it wasn't her car she was headed towards. Five, four, three…

"Oh no. No and I mean no. First off I'm already following you like Jo Friday for a piece of meat. Secondly, you drove the last time." Jane started to turn on her heel when she suddenly stopped. "And third.." She let out a long sigh and turned around slowly. "Damn it all. I'm supposed to be acting more like you so that means you get to drive. This sucks."

When they were safely out of the parking lot and headed for the Mass Ave Bridge Maura turned slightly towards Jane with a smile. "You could have driven you know. I believe this morning's experiment was over the moment you stormed into my office."

Jane shifted in her seat to face Maura. "Back up a minute there. How so?"

Maura congratulated herself for getting Jane into a locked vehicle that she wasn't in control of for the next 10 minutes. A captive audience. "Surmising from your expressive commentary in my office it is safe to say that everyone noticed your behavior changes and everybody reacted to them? And you found the response less than satisfying? Never mind the fact that it made you uncomfortable to try to monitor your interactions?"

Jane snorted. "You could say that. I got nothing out of it but a headache and the loss of prime tickets to the Red Sox game." Jane slumped back against the seat "But the whole idea was nuts to start with. If I'm going to try this I need to try it with people who don't know me. Those baboons all think of me as me. They know me too well. All I did was frighten the heck out of them."

"Well isn't that an answer though?" Maura stole a brief glance at Jane. "You acted a little more like me and it didn't fit with how you feel about yourself or how other people view you? In fact it made everyone, including yourself, uneasy? You're innately a powerful person. You're not afraid to react or interact with others strongly. Stronger at times than even many of the men you work with."

"Powerful and strong. Great. That sounds wonderfully feminine Maura. This is just freakin' fantastic. You proved I really am a man." Jane turned to stare mournfully out the window. "No wonder Korsak and Frost think I'm butch. I soften up just a little and they all think I'm losing it because normally I'm more man than either of them could hope to be."

Maura sighed softly. "Or you could realize that they like you for who you are. A powerful personality does not make you a man. There are plenty of men who aren't as naturally self assured as you are. Society simply tends to find fault with women who have the same inner power as their male counterparts, but being powerful has nothing to do with gender expression. It's a fortunate trait to have regardless of being a male or a female." She tried another tactic. "Jane, were you happy this morning?"

"What do you think?" Jane closed her eyes. "I had to put up with crap from Crowe, and Martinez actually thought he had a shot for lunch with me. I don't know which one of us was more unnerved by that little exchange."

Maura tapped her fingers along the steering wheel as she waited on a red light. "And it bothered you didn't it? Frustrated you?"

"Of course it did!" Jane cracked an eye open and looked a Maura out of the corner of her eye. "Have you ever tried having to consider every action and reaction you have in a given moment? You'd be frustrated too."

Chuckling Maura turned onto the Mass Ave Bridge. "Actually I have tried many times in the past. Enough that I would imagine you found it rather unnatural and unpleasant."

"Exactly." Jane opened both eyes when she realized exactly what they had been discussing during the entire car ride. "Oh my god you did it again! How in the hell do you _do_ that?"

Confused, Maura flicked her eyes towards Jane but still couldn't figure out what had upset her. "What precisely did I do?"

Jane drew a circle in the space between them. "Deflected. Made me forget my question. The question I followed you out to lunch for." This time she tapped Maura's shoulder to punctuate each word. "One last time. Dr. Maura Isles have you realized how you act around me?"

"Oh Jane," Maura shook her head slightly, "I already told you that I answered that before we left."

Jane slapped the dashboard. "No you certainly did not! I was right there."

Maura tried not to smile but couldn't help it. "I'm getting there. Remember when I handed you my coat."

"Yeah, so?" Jane did not enjoy that particular little smile on Maura's face. That always meant the doctor knew something Jane hadn't figured out yet. She didn't even bother to try to swallow the groan. "And your point to this test of my short term memory is?"

Maura shrugged a little. "You asked if I realize how I behave around you. I thought I was clear when I handed you my coat."

"You are going to drive me to drink." Jane desperately wished she could go back to last night and just show up at the Dirty Robber before this mess started. "But okay, I'll bite. Help me out here. What does your coat have to do with anything? Because, I'm warning you, I'm about 10 seconds away from jumping out of a moving car."

"You helped me into my coat." Maura's smile grew a little. "I'd never assume that someone like Bonnie would help me into my coat but I would assume certain other people would."

When Jane didn't respond Maura decided to push a little more. "Frost I'm certain would, depending on the situation we were in. Frankie would also be the type to naturally be chivalrous. I'm sure Casey would do the same for you." Maura could see all the pieces fall together as Jane's mouth opened slightly and her eyes widened. "So as I said, I believe I proved I'm well aware of how I behave around you."

"Well fuck." Jane slumped down in the seat and threw an arm over her eyes. Nothing was making sense anymore. "I demand a do-over."

* * *

A/N – well per the reviews you all wanted more…


	11. Chapter 11

Please read Ch 1 for disclaimers…

* * *

Jane plucked at the nylon covering her thigh through her skirt and pulled it away from her skin.

Stupid things kept pinching her inner thigh.

Plus bare legs were chilly when you didn't have a coat with you.

Irritated, she smoothed her hand over the fabric and looked up the sidewalk for Maura, but she knew it was still too early. She crossed her arms over her chest and tried briskly rubbing for warmth and forced herself to relax with a long exhale out.

This time she had nobody to blame but herself.

Today had been all her idea. Sometimes you had to prove your point, especially when arguing wasn't getting you anywhere.

Yesterday at Davio's had been one long debate. She was positive that this entire social experiment of Maura's was flawed and by the end of today she'd have proof that she was right.

She'd love to see Maura try to argue her way around evidence she actually witnessed.

In Jane's estimation the first issue with yesterday's adventure was leaving her in her normal work clothes. They were functional but her suits were not even half as feminine as Maura's casual wear.

Frankly she liked what she looked like in her clothes, but she wasn't an idiot. People weren't going to look at her and associate her with this month's issue of Vogue.

Secondly, she'd been working with all the guys at the BPD too long. Maybe initially it had been unusual to be a woman working homicide but the days of having to prove she was as good as any of them were long over. They all knew she had what it took to be a detective, and by surviving Hoyt she had more than proven she had what it took to work homicide.

By now how they interacted with her had nothing to do with her job. She doubted they even thought about her as being a woman. It was more the fact that they had already accepted her a certain way and changing how she behaved was going to throw everyone off.

Impossible to get anything from that experience.

Even if Maura kept insisting she was supposed to have understood something vital.

It wasn't that she didn't get what Maura was saying. Yes, absolutely, trying to change her reaction and interactions with everyone was stressful. And yes it did make things somewhat awkward.

Especially for her.

She had despised every minute of yesterday morning. But wasn't that how it went with any sort of change?

If she was honest, Maura was right. It was actually painful to try holding her personality back. And perhaps that meant it wasn't being natural, or as Maura put it, "true to who she was," but that couldn't be the only reason women hit on her or that dyke was an insult of choice.

Jane ran her hand along her clothes again, making sure everything was still in order.

There had to be something more than just her behavior for everyone to automatically assume she was a lesbian. Why was she considered gay just because she had all these characteristics that were opposite from someone like Maura? Did people have to freakin' assume that only lesbians would choose to act in a way that was considered a masculine?

Maura's biggest point over lunch, if Jane cut out the long explanations and side stories, was that you couldn't put a gender on personality attributes, but society did. Because of that, people were raised to associate traits with gender and behaviors associated with power, protection, and authority tended to be traditionally lumped in with men.

In Maura's estimation, lesbians were not entirely bound by society constraints because they already lived outside the traditional mold. By choosing to live a lifestyle that could make people who embraced traditional male/female roles uncomfortable it meant expression rather than repression of innate power and leadership in order to make a life for themselves.

These were not traits often viewed as appropriate for women. And when you insisted on being different you tended to cause fear in others. Fear made people react in various ways, including censorship and ridicule. Dyke, when used as an insult, was used to convey all that was undesirable and incorrect with a woman.

So a woman, regardless of her sexual orientation, who was able to express strong, powerful, self assurance in a position of authority, even in the face of a direct challenge from a traditionally minded male could be considered threatening. People often felt fear when threatened and a reaction to fear might be flight, but for a narrow minded, misogynic male it would be to fight back.

So when she had been called a dyke the other day it was less about sexuality and more about an attack on her presentation of power and authority.

Okay so she got it. She really did understand.

She did.

So perhaps if Maura pressed her, Jane was ready to admit she had some tendencies that normally people associated with guys, but like Maura said, those made her a strong, confident woman. She'd even buy a blasted cake and celebrate it like Maura seemed to want, but for now Jane still didn't get why the first derogatory thing people seemed to latch onto with her was the whole dyke thing.

Why, exactly, her behavior around Maura also made people rush to the conclusion of lesbian was still a point of debate. Behavior that it turned out Maura was not only aware of but apparently accepted as part of their friendship.

Or, if Maura's demonstration with her jacket yesterday was anything to go by, expected it.

Jane rubbed the back of her neck and tried not to ruin her hair. One of the things she couldn't get out of her head was that Maura was also a strong, confident, career woman in a position of authority. Her title with the Commonwealth of Massachusetts held even greater authority and prestige than Jane's own. But to Jane's knowledge, nobody went around calling Maura a dyke.

Which was why this entire thing was frustrating. Like Maura, there were plenty of powerful women in some pretty powerful jobs that people did not go around assuming were lesbians. Certainly there were enough women on the force that didn't instantly get slapped with the lesbian label because they were cops, even the ones that _were _lesbians like Bonnie Evans.

Jane was almost tempted to ask them if they all got hit on by other women. Especially the ones she knew were happily married to men. But it wasn't exactly a conversation she was willing to have.

All Jane knew after 24 hours of Maura-led confusion was that it wasn't exactly her job, and it wasn't exactly her personality. Not in her estimation at least.

Ergo it had to be the clothes.

So here she was. In a skirt and heels, running through some convoluted social experiment like she was a lab rat.

Because Jane was positive she had been right the other night. It had to be the clothes and the lack of makeup. There had to be truth in clichés like "you are what you wear". Over her steak yesterday she had succinctly pointed this out, in detail, to Maura, case review style.

Not that it mattered. Maura really hadn't said much after that, which was kind of disturbing in itself. No, instead of some sort of Maura-like lecture all Jane got was this patient look like she was missing something, and a change in topic.

That had made her feel slightly insane. Or dense. Neither of which was reassuring.

But either way, at least Maura had agreed to Jane's version of a do-over. She had even seemed a little excited about it.

Why wouldn't Maura be happy? It was an afternoon of shopping together out on Newbury Street. Block after block of trendy boutiques, hair salons, and overpriced restaurants. The type of area Jane usually avoided and here she was in an outfit that was something Maura would wear herself. She'd even had her hair blown out and set after Maura offered to have a favor called in to her salon to make it happen.

Absently Jane ran her hands over her smooth locks. She didn't even look like herself. The stylist was probably icing his wrist after getting it to look like this, but Jane was curious as hell see Maura's reaction. And while she personally was never going to spend that much time every day wrestling it into submission, she had to admit it wasn't half bad.

Really it was actually kind of pretty.

So she had the looks part of today ready. All she had to do now was be herself and that was a giant relief after yesterday.

Today she was going to be Jane Rizzoli, but Jane Rizzoli wearing a silk blouse, skirt, and heels.

With the added bonus of perfect hair, there was no way she wasn't going to be able to finally prove her point: how people reacted to you was more about the clothing than any behavior.

To Jane it was simple. If you don't look like a dyke, people aren't going to assume you are one, or think that they can hurl it at as an insult to knock you down.

With a sigh Jane checked her watch. It was still a few minutes early but there was no reason she couldn't find out where Maura was. Her hand flew to her waist only to hit the smooth silk of her blouse instead of her cell phone. That's right. No belt with a cell phone holder.

She had a purse today.

Why women couldn't be logical about where they put something they needed access to all the time like a cell phone was a bit of mystery. Why not just put the darn thing on your waist for easy access?

Or at least put pockets in a skirt that could hold more than a stick of gum.

What was the point to tiny pockets that you couldn't really use? How was that fashionable? Better yet, _why _was that fashionable?

Jane went to reach for her purse when she realized it wasn't on her arm. Her hand froze for a moment in midair.

Well shit.

Her heart raced as she tried to remember exactly when she last remembered having it. Her wallet, her badge, her house keys, everything except her gun, was in that stupid piece of leather.

Frantically she looked up and down the street considering what direction to go first. The last time she clearly remembered having it was at the register back at the salon. Or it could be in that bookstore a few streets over. She'd browsed through there to kill time but she hadn't bought anything. Maybe she put it on one of the shelves.

It had to be at either one of those places. If somebody didn't take off with it.

This is exactly why pockets were superior. They went wherever your pants went. Simple and logical.

This shit was not.

With a growl, Jane went to stalk off towards the bookstore when her stride was restricted by the cut of her skirt and she stumbled slightly. Damn it. She took a deep breath. She was about to try again when she caught Maura's voice calling her name.

She turned around slowly and there was Maura. Gliding along, completely unbothered by the limitations of her skirt, her own purse secure on her shoulder, hair bouncing in the sun with a smile on her face.

Jane had seen this image a million times before. But this time? This time she appreciated it a heck of a lot more. Not because Maura looked fabulous. Maura always did. It wasn't because she seemed poised and put together. No, that was how Maura always was.

It wasn't even the perfect hair. Maura's hair was always perfect.

No, Jane couldn't help but realize that Maura seemed happy. She wasn't irritated by the nylons on her legs or the fact that she was carrying a purse. She had probably spent an hour this morning getting her hair to look like that and she'd cheerfully do it all over again tomorrow.

It struck Jane as Maura's smile widened as she waved to her, that Maura had never felt the need to change. Even when they teased her again and again about her love of fashion or any time Jane cracked a comment about stilettos at a crime scene.

It was part of who Maura was and she was happy being who she was, screw the rest of them.

Expressed in a slightly more polite way of course, but still.

And as Maura drew up in front of her, eyes bright and happy, Jane realized that maybe that was part of what Maura had been trying to show her yesterday. She opened her mouth to say hello but closed it with a snap when her missing purse was swatted lightly against her stomach.

"Here, you lost your purse, Detective. Sorry I'm a little late, but the salon thought to call me since I made your appointment." Maura let herself enjoy looking Jane up and down. "They did a fabulous job on your hair." She couldn't help but reach out and touch the smooth strands, running the silky ends between her fingers, seeming lost in thought for a moment before slowly dropping her hand away. "You look lovely."

Maybe it was the way Maura's voice had softened or maybe it was her proximity, but either way Jane felt a hot flush creep up her neck and over her face. She took a hasty step back. "Great. This your polite way of telling me I look like shit the rest of the time, isn't it?"

The pinch to her bicep was sharp and sudden. "Hey OW!" Jane rubbed the spot furiously. "You have _got _to stop doing that!"

Maura ignored the glare leveled at her and took Jane's arm. "Don't be silly. I've called you beautiful enough that by now you should know I appreciate how you generally appear." With a gentle tug on Jane's elbow they started walking arm and arm along the sidewalk. "Perhaps there are times where you could pay more attention to the overall quality of your undergarments, and you do need to accept that some colors are not complimentary to your complexion, but you are aesthetically pleasing."

Maura looked up at Jane briefly and ignored the eye roll, instead choosing to pull Jane a little closer as they strolled. "It's supposed to rain later. Where is your coat? And while we're down here I actually have a few stops I need to make, but then I'd like to have coffee."

Jane shrugged. "I didn't have one that went with the skirt, and whatever you want to do today is fine by me."

Maura nodded. "Good. I had some thoughts last night and I realized there was something we should talk about."

"More talking?" Jane groaned. "Well that sounds like so much fun and I only get coffee this time. Yesterday I rated a _steak_."

"What if I said I had a present for you after?" Maura kept her eyes trained forward, trying not to smile.

"I'd say I'm even more worried if you think you have to bribe me with gifts." Jane glanced to the side, trying not to be influenced by Maura's mouth as it twitched at the corners. When their eyes caught and Maura's smile broke free, Jane couldn't help but grin back. "Okay, fine. I'll bite. What are we going to be talking about?"

"I'm curious. Why Casey?"

* * *

A/N – Couple of things... I want to thank everyone for the reviews and response. I love how many of you are always game to come on a little journey with me. Some of your reviews are what make me keep going when I'd like to hit my head on my keyboard over and over in punishment for even thinking about tackling certain stories.

But most importantly...Poor CharlietheCAG… she needs props from the readers. Every fic has that chapter that is a B*TCH to write. This was it for me on this one. After days of tweaking option A I then went and cropped and chopped it into option B. It was the beta work that never ended…thanks Charlie!


	12. Chapter 12

See Ch 1 for disclaimers…

* * *

"What _about _Casey?" Jane felt herself tense up and realized when Maura gave a gentle squeeze to her bicep that they were once again arm in arm and she hadn't even realized it happened.

Maura noticed the set to Jane's jaw. "We can talk about it over coffee but first, let's go find you a dress coat."

"You sound like my mother." Jane forced herself not to shiver when the light breeze cut through her blouse. "I don't need a dress coat. Storage in my place is limited as it is."

"You complained you were cold the last time we had to go to court." Maura paused at the corner, debating options before turning left. "You need a dress coat."

The breeze was stronger through the buildings on Gloucester Street and Jane gave up as she pulled Maura closer to her, not caring what it looked like. She tried to ignore the amused smile but knew her own lips twitching gave her away. "Okay, fine. Yes I'm cold and yes I have to replace my dress coat. Who knew a dog could rip something to shreds quite that quickly, but I'd rather wait and go someplace outside the city. You can take me to the Burlington Coat Factory or something."

Maura didn't bother responding. Some things were not worth commenting on. Much easier to get Jane to give in if she didn't have anything to push against.

"No?" Jane huffed and walked along, hoping Maura would respond. Halfway up the block the silence started to drive her nuts. "Why do you want to talk about Casey anyhow? I've been under the impression I was annoying you when we did."

Maura chewed her bottom lip, considered the irritated tone as she debated how to respond. Jane was sensitive about Casey. Jane wasn't incorrect either, about Maura not enjoying continually discussing Casey, but she wasn't ready to explain why that was exactly.

Instead of answering, Maura picked up her pace. "With your height I think we should at least go to Lord & Taylor on Boylston. It's hard finding a dress coat long enough off the rack as it is." When she could see the argument forming in the wrinkles of Jane's forehead. "I also thought you could pick your father up a sweater for his birthday. If it's going to get there in time you need to put it in the mail by Monday."

"Whatever new woman he is with can dress him. Not my job." With a quick glance Jane could see Maura rapidly thinking and that look settling over her features. That look where almost every single time Jane lost whatever debate they were in the middle of. She gritted her teeth and for a minute she wanted to scream into her purse. It at least would be a viable use for the fucking thing.

Just as the wind swept over her bare legs and against her neck, Jane realized Lord & Taylor loomed in front of them. It would be much warmer in there. So she wasn't giving in as much as she was being practical as they crossed the street and pushed through the crowds to the front door.

And if she opened the door for Maura at the entrance, so be it. Because who would ever think anything about a woman in a skirt and silk blouse holding open a door for her friend?

But halfway up the escalator when a weary looking guy, tucked behind his wife or girlfriend on the way down, made eye contact with her even Jane had to admit that standing directly behind Maura was a bit much. After watching other people descending and how they were all positioned, she thought about moving but she wasn't positive what the point really was anymore. And at the top, when her hand automatically seemed to find the small of Maura's back as they stepped off, she didn't do anything other than stare at the contrast of her fingers against the fabric.

Luckily Maura seemed distracted by the actual shopping process and Jane found herself on autopilot, thinking and evaluating the past 24 hours as they cruised through the women's coat department. Willingly she slipped on coat option after coat option, while Maura studied it, frowned and held a hand out for it back.

She wasn't positive about much anymore but Jane couldn't help admitting she liked her relationship with Maura exactly the way it was.

Interpretation be damned.

When Maura finally smiled in approval at whatever coat she had on, Jane let out a breath, shook her head slightly and looked down at herself. "Oh, get that look of your face. Last color I'm buying is cream with the way my life works."

"But your color is stunning in that coat!" Maura tilted her head, tried her best smile, letting their eyes meet until Jane smiled back.

"You can put the big flirting guns away. Still not buying it. Black or navy only." Jane enjoyed the slightly startled look on Maura's face. "Ah, finally I've got you."

Jane slipped the cream coat off and hung it back up, turning and selecting one off the rack behind her. "Don't look so surprised. As handsy as I might be ready to admit I am around you, we both know you are one hell of a flirt and apparently I'm not exactly immune to it." She buttoned the coat and held her arms out. "How about this one?"

Maura took a sharp breath in, trying to catch up to the rapid turn in conversation. "I…" She caught herself biting her lower lip again and took a deep breath in and let it out. "Actually…" Maura studied the way the coat fell off Jane's shoulders while her head rapidly tried to grasp exactly what was going on.

What exactly was that look on Jane's face?

Maura pushed Jane's shoulder lightly, forcing that evaluating stare away. "Turn around please." She took her time, tugged the fabric lightly, checking the drape and length. There were too many variables in this experiment. Too many polymorphs in from external inputs that she hadn't factored for.

Couldn't have factored for. She needed time.

Maura gently turned Jane back to face her. She brushed the lapel of the coat, smoothing it in place, staring at her hand. "The fit is perfect."

For a moment Jane enjoyed having Maura off balance but there was something in the way she was studiously studying her hand against the coat. This time when Jane followed her instincts she knew exactly what it would look like to anybody walking by. And it didn't matter. She placed a finger under Maura's chin in a request that she look up. When shy hazel eyes met hers briefly, Jane didn't even deny to herself she was enchanted.

So what if their friendship crossed a few boundaries. Who even said those boundaries had to exist in the first place? Was there some rulebook?

Maura felt her chest tighten with the way Jane was carefully studying her.

Reluctantly Jane dropped her hand and Maura just as quickly looked away. Perhaps she really should put some space between them but she wasn't going to. There was nothing for Maura to be embarrassed about. Not around her.

She cleared her throat. "So we're good here?"

Maura dropped her hand and took a hasty step back. "Yes, buy that one." She fussed with the strap of her purse. The lights of the department store seemed especially bright. She spied the escalator with a sigh of relief. "I'm going to go back downstairs to the mens' department and look for something for your father. Meet me down there?"

Jane didn't even have a chance to reply, but the fact that she didn't stop watching Maura until she disappeared from sight didn't exactly escape her attention either.

* * *

Maura wasn't in the mens' department. Jane checked for the third time that she still had both her purse and her shopping bag and slowly turned around trying to catch a glimpse of her. Puzzled she went to go back upstairs when she spotted her over by the shoes talking animatedly with the sales clerk.

Shoes. Naturally. Somebody was apparently a little stressed.

Maura felt Jane step behind her before the other woman said a word. "I saw they had the new Louboutin collection."

It was a little wrong Jane supposed, to continue to tweak Maura, but after the last day and a half she figured she had earned a little fun. She was going to test whatever this thing was between them. Gather a little more info.

She casually put her hand on Maura's shoulder and looked at the black shoe clutched in her hand. She noticed the grip Maura had on the cigarette heel tighten as her knuckles turned white. "You usually ship directly from Milan. Doesn't this count as slumming?"

With a quick step to the left Maura turned around. "These are here now."

"Hmmm. Dr. Isles and her shoe shopping." With a raised eyebrow Jane grasped Maura's wrist with the pump in it and turned it over, looking at the shoe. When she looked back to Maura's face the expression was priceless. "I like them. They're cute."

With a half smile Jane released her grip and finally gave Maura space. "My dad isn't exactly a Lord & Taylor sweater man but I'll go see what kind of aftershave they have. I used to get him some Old Spice every Father's Day, so I know he'll use it. Meet me when you're finished."

Maura watched Jane saunter away, barely acknowledging that the clerk had returned with her size in hand.

* * *

Jane scanned her email on her phone and tried not to pay attention to Maura.

Or the man who was holding up a testing bottle for Maura to smell.

She studied the guy in the pleated pants and the crisp shirt. He looked pretty average to her. A little too GQ really. He'd been at the counter when Jane got there and seemed friendly enough, but why the guy thought she'd would have been any help picking out a cologne for him was beyond her.

It had been a relief when the second sales clerk had come over from the women's counter to give them a hand and she'd been able wish him luck and start shopping.

A minute later Maura had appeared and before Jane had been able to ask her for her opinion on the final selections, she was cheerfully answering questions from Mr. Pleated Pants. Now Jane understood exactly why he had wanted her help earlier and didn't bother repressing the grimace.

What kind of man tried to pick up a woman in a department store?

But Maura seemed to be enjoying whatever they were talking about if her smile was anything to go by.

For what felt like the 100th time Jane peered over to where the sales clerk had disappeared back to the store room. Figures she'd end up liking the one cologne they were out of stock behind the sales counter.

Jane looked at the time on her phone yet again. At least 10 minutes had dragged by and Maura hadn't even glanced over to see if she was ready.

Irritated she stared at the phone screen and turned her back to the couple. It would have been nice if Maura had at least offered to help her out. Jane hit delete with satisfaction on her spam folder. "No spam here, hooray!"

She glanced behind her quickly, just in time to Maura burst into laughter and just as quickly looked back down at her phone. Fine. Whatever.

Jane ducked her head and leaned on her elbow, not caring if she smudged the glass as she glared at her screen. Maura and her fucking flirting. Like any guy who tried to pick up a woman at a cologne counter could ever be that funny 10 minutes after you just met him.

By the time the clerk returned Jane was out of email and out of patience. She barely registered handing over her credit card to pay, or the crunch of the paper bag in her fist.

Maura felt Jane's hand on her lower back first. She tried to look over but Jane was just out of her line of sight.

Jane met the guy's eyes steadily as she ran her thumb along Maura's back. "I'm ready to go."

Turning slightly Maura gestured to the smile guy in front of her. "I was helping Frederick pick out a cologne."

Jane didn't change her expression as she continued to hold Frederick's gaze. No way was her best friend going to date some sleaze she met in a department store. "I saw. I'm so glad you were able to help. That was very kind of you. Should I leave you here or are you ready to come with me? You promised me coffee, remember?"

When he didn't seem inclined to simply say goodbye, Jane narrowed her eyes.

Maura didn't miss the firm hand that grasped her elbow or the smile slowly fade from Frederick's face. Protective was okay. Bossy was not. She pulled her elbow out of Jane's grip and patted Frederick's arm. "I hope I was at least a little help."

"Oh, you were. Thank you." He nodded absently in her direction but was looking right at Jane as he backed up a step.

Maura finally turned enough to evaluate Jane. In seconds she noted the clenched bag in her fist. The narrowed eyes, the thinned lips, her attention locked on Frederick.

Jane placed a hand on Maura's arm but didn't dare grab it again. "Good. Now that Frederick is set, can we please go get some coffee?" She let out a sigh of relief at the barely perceptible nod.

Once Jane's attention was off him, Frederick looked like he wanted to say something else but Maura was only able to offer him a good day as Jane grabbed her arm and started walking towards the exit.

They were a full block over and half way up Exeter Street when Jane slowly started to realize that she was practically dragging Maura along the sidewalk. With her new found awareness she started to wonder why she was so upset. She slowed down her pace and with each step she couldn't stop replaying exactly what had just happened. And couldn't stop ignoring exactly what she was feeling. "Oh my god. I just cock blocked that guy."

She slowed to a stop and released Maura's arm. "Do I do that all the time?" Maura went to answer and Jane held up her hand. "Don't answer that question. I don't want to know."

Jane rubbed her upper arms and turned partially away to face the street, staring at the cars flying by. The wind from the passing cars buffered her sharply. "I should probably put on my coat huh?"

Amused Maura reached over to pull the tags off as Jane buttoned up. "This was the right choice. You look nice."

Jane fiddled with the top button before dropping her hands with a groan. "Never mind. I do need to hear this. Seriously, do I always act like a jealous shrew?"

Maura forced herself to meet Jane's eyes. Studied her expression. Reached a decision."Come on, let's go get our coffee. I'll even let you get a cookie and not say a word about refined sugar."

She grabbed Jane's arm and held it close with both of hers. "You don't act like a shrew but there are times where I would say your behavior could be interpreted as territorial."

"Territorial? How fucking caveman of me." Her voice was dark and guttural but Jane was beyond caring. "No wonder I get pegged as a big ol' dyke if I can't seem to handle my female best friend flirting."

Maura desperately wanted to point out how very incorrect that sentiment was. For all the facts and words pressing to pour out of her she carefully selected a brief statement of truth. "Jealousy is hardly linked to sexuality."

"Maura!" Jane couldn't help it. Enough was enough."You're killing me here."

They walked in silence until they hit Newbury Street again. Jane looked up the street and saw what appeared to be a small cafe off in the distance, the trendy coffee cup on the sign calling out to her. "You okay with whatever coffee place that is? I need to sit down."

When Maura simply nodded and they started walking again Jane studied the bricks passing by under her feet. "Why haven't you ever told me that I act like an ass? You're allowed to meet people and date. I mean you need to. You should have said something."

Maura stared straight ahead. "If it bothered me, I would have. In fact, I have ignored you when I've needed to or wanted to." She hoped for a moment Jane would let it go at that. This was not the time to confess that she had deliberately brought that side of Jane out more than once. Not when she wasn't positive exactly why she did it.

Jane glanced over but Maura was looking studiously ahead. The implications were many but she was in too deep to duck out now. "It doesn't bother you?"

"No." She could feel Jane evaluating her but Maura turned her head slightly to stare into the boutique windows as they walked by. She mentally prepared herself for the next question and Jane didn't disappoint.

"Well why wouldn't it bother you? I don't think that is exactly what a good friend would do." The second the words fell from her mouth, Jane wasn't positive she wanted to hear Maura's response.

"Maybe I like it." Maura let the sentence hang between them. They had stopped walking and she looked up and realized they were under the Starbucks sign.

Jane was shaking her head rapidly. To clear it or make Maura's words go away she wasn't sure. "Maybe? Or you do? And why would you like it?"

Maura bit her lip and closed her eyes before simply stating the truth. "I like knowing that you want my attention." She dared to look over at Jane. "That I'm important enough to you that don't want to share my time. It reassures me that you want me in your life as much as I want you in mine."

In that moment it was the bustle of the city mixed with the shocked expression on Jane's face that overwhelmed her briefly. Maura ripped her eyes away. "Could we please go in and get coffee now?"

* * *

A/N: Okay so everyone has CharlietheCAG to thank for the fact that this is going to need a rating boost to "M" so if you don't filter to allow for that you're going to have to. See what powers a beta has. MIND POWERS.

And before you all whack me on the back of my head for the cliff hanger I almost split this into two but... I lurvs you all ;)


	13. Chapter 13

See Ch 1 for disclaimers…

* * *

Jane kept glancing impatiently between the menu and the rest of the café, looking for the waitress. Only Newbury Street would have a hostess station and waited tables at a coffee shop. Waited tables and a menu with words like 'hazelnut mousseline' or 'pate-a-choux'. She wanted a cookie, not an international experience.

She stole a quick glance at Maura who was studiously watching the hustle of humanity walk by the front window, her posture picture perfect, the only motion a reflexive twisting of her ring and twitching muscles in her cheeks.

At least she wasn't the only one feeling the pressure from this bizarre adventure into utter insanity.

When Maura stopped twisting and started tugging at her ring Jane made up her mind to drop the conversation about cock blocking Mr. Pleated Pants. At least for right now. She needed time to think about whatever that whole fucking mess meant. Especially if it was making Maura act like she wanted to crawl out of her skin.

Jane was so busy scrutinizing Maura that she barely realized that the waitress had come over until the woman cleared her throat to get her attention. Without thought she ordered for them both and then joined Maura in watching the world stroll by.

Maura looked up when the cheerful tulip cookie was placed in front of her. "I didn't ask for a cookie."Jane merely shrugged and pulled her own dessert closer. "Do you know how much refined sugar is in the icing alone?"

Jane didn't bother replying as she took a giant bite out of her M&M cookie. She pushed one of the coffee cups towards Maura before taking a swig from her own.

Maura sipped at hers, not saying anything, eyes back on the outside world.

Jane picked her cookie back up and took another bite, watching Maura, confidant in her quarry.

At first it was a glance down at the tulip cookie. Then a well-manicured hand toyed with the edge of the white plate. Jane watched as a fingertip traced the swirl of light purple icing. She took another swig of coffee to hide her amusement when the edge of the cookie was pressed until a bit broke off.

Maura was chewing her third bite when she realized Jane was watching her with a smile. "Yes?"

Jane leaned her elbows on the table and took another bite of M&M cookie, chewing gleefully. "Do you know how much refined sugar is in the icing alone?"

Maura couldn't stop the chuckle. "Don't look so pleased with yourself. It still has too much sugar but you already bought it. I didn't want to be rude."

A dark, raised eyebrow. "Whatever lets you sleep tonight. But just enjoy the damn cookie, you can fast or drink cleansing tea later to make up for it."

The chuckle turned into shared laughter, the tension draining.

Maura stopped laughing so she could sip her coffee. "Well it does have a lovely, light lemon flavor that compliments my beverage."

"See, I have excellent taste." Jane jumped back when Maura suddenly reached out and broke off part of her cookie and popped it in her mouth with a slow nod. "Hey, eat your own!"

Chewing quickly and swallowing Maura raised her eyebrows. "I was evaluating if your statement in excellent taste was accurate." She grabbed her coffee cup and studied Jane as she took another sip, coming to a decision. "For the choice in cookie I'm willing to concur, but I'm curious about your taste in romantic partners."

Warming up to her topic, Maura leaned forward, trying to catch the rapidly changing expressions that flitted along Jane's features. "Which brings me back to my question. Why Casey? I know you have been attracted to him since you were children. I can see that he is aesthetically pleasing and I know he is in a similar line of work."

She ignored Jane's attempts to interrupt. "But you've had other men interested that meet most of those qualifications. Joey Grant in particular meets most of the same profile. But you never put a much more than a second thought into him. Gabriel Dean and Rafael Martinez in particular actively pursued your attention."

Maura settled back and stared at Jane. "So it hasn't been for lack of available partners."

Jane took a sharp breath in with her nose and let it out on a sigh. "Oh that is so not true! You make it sound like I'm some femme fatale. Can't we just say Casey's a good lay and leave it at that?"

Unperturbed Maura broke off another part of her cookie. "Why?"

"Why is he what? A good fuck?" Jane rolled her eyes. "Are you even serious?"

Maura shrugged while she chewed and swallowed. "I am serious. And you're being deliberately crude. It's intriguing how you change your behavior even when we discuss Casey."

"I don't change my…" Jane could feel her forehead creasing and rubbed at it in exasperation. "Look, you're about the only breathing human I discuss my sex life with but this is getting creepy Maura."

"You're making my point. And next time try using disturbing instead of creepy. It's not a very formal word." Maura shook her head. "You're making this about sex. I asked you why Casey. Out of the various romantic options available to you, why Casey?" She reached across the table and grasped Jane's wrist and gave it a little squeeze. "I'm honestly curious. Not only in relation to our experiment. Do you know he's the only one you've ever referred to by his first name?"

"That's NOT true." Jane pulled her wrist away and shifted until she could stare out the coffee shop window. People swept by as spots of color. Groups, couples and singles rushing by as Jane unconsciously sorted them into categories as she chewed the side of her thumb. The obvious romantic couples she watched intently, one particular couple walking hand in hand she tracked until they were out of sight.

She let out a defeated sigh. "Maybe it's a little true." When Maura didn't reach for her again, Jane tried to make out her expression in the window reflection but it was hopelessly distorted. "It's kind of complicated."

Without looking at Maura she started talking. "All my life I've been a little different. Growing up when all the little girls wanted to play beauty shop at recess I'd stalk the edges where the boys were playing. Sitting on the sidelines braiding somebody's hair wasn't my thing. I wanted to be in the middle of the action." She let out a soft sigh. "So I had to learn how to push my way in with the boys. Some parts weren't so hard you know? I naturally liked boys' clothing. I wasn't into pink or sparkles. Dresses made it impossible to climb the jungle gym or slide across home plate. Ma wouldn't let me cut my hair but with a tight ponytail it all worked."

Jane wanted to look at Maura but it was almost too difficult. Most of this she knew wasn't new information to Maura but it still wasn't easy. "But other parts? If I wanted to hang out with the guys when I was young I had to be that much tougher. That much better at sports. Even better at swearing. It didn't help that I was a bit chunky at first and then when puberty hit I sprouted up faster than most of the guys. I was all long limbs and angles while what female friends I did have got curves and some weird ability to flirt."

She shrugged. "That wasn't me. Plus it was hard to look at my good guy friends and imagine them as anything else other than the asshole friends that they were. Instead I got stuck in some weird role where I was like this female guru, giving the guys really bad advice on how to get a date but certainly not catching their attention as an actual girl with dating potential."

Jane felt something bump her arm and realized Maura had pushed the last of her tulip cookie over. She popped the bite into her mouth, letting their eyes meet for a moment. "Thanks."

Observing the street traffic was still easier than facing Maura so Jane returned to watching the hustling people. "When Casey first came into town he was the new kid you know? He didn't grow up with me kicking his ass in dodge ball."

Maura nodded. "You weren't in the friendzone."

Jane laughed into her hand. "That sounds so odd coming from you. But yeah. That was pretty much the case. Anyhow, Casey flirted with me. For a while I didn't even get that that was what he was doing. I was that confused. Originally I thought he had personal space issues and a staring problem."

Jane glanced over to Maura and within a minute they were both chuckling. This time she didn't look away. "Out of all the guys I've dated Casey is the only one that knew me back then and wanted me back then. You have to remember that Grant made me feel pretty awful about myself when we were kids. Sometimes it's hard to move past those old feelings even if, as an adult, you realize it was probably to get the attention of a 12 year old you."

Maura gave her a half smile and Jane nodded slightly before continuing. "I didn't have to be anybody else for Casey in high school, and now? It's a relief to know he's attracted to me for me. It's not the badge. I'm not some badass bitch that killed Hoyt that he gets to top and it's not some misplaced hero admiration from reading about me in the news."

Maura reached across the table again, resting her fingers on Jane's forearm. "I can understand that."

Jane stared at the fingers on her arm. "I don't have to be Detective Jane Rizzoli all the time around him. He doesn't expect that." She let out a sigh, rubbing at the paper napkin in her lap with her free hand.

Confession made her voice quiet. "I can let him take the lead. It's almost a relief sometimes. He doesn't need me to be strong and in charge like I'd need to be for someone like Jorge. I can step back and let it all happen."

She plucked a piece of the napkin off. "He makes me feel like I'm a woman just the way I am. That I'm desirable. I can put on a dress or makeup and he doesn't make sarcastic comment about my bare legs."

Bits of paper fluttered to the floor. "It's not always horrible to dress up and have someone admire you. With Casey I don't have do all that to be attractive to him but it's appreciated when I do." Another scrap of paper drifted off her lap. "I like that he's taller than me, stronger than me. Sometimes I feel petite around him. It makes me feel safe."

She looked over at Maura again. "And you know, sometimes with all the shit that has happened, it's nice to feel like that even if I know I can handle it myself." This time when she met Maura's eyes again she shivered at the intensity staring back at her. It was familiar and direct. Strong.

Safe.

For a minute it was overwhelming. Jane bit her lip and looked away. Snippets of memories tumbled through her mind rapidly and Casey wasn't in any of them. It was Hoyt, terror, and running to a sanctuary. It was support, warm against her side. It was a wrinkled dress after a night spent guarding. It was being told she was gorgeous. It was being told she looked sexy. That she was smart. And that she did good work.

Jane stared at her lap, at the scraps of paper, brushing them rapidly to the floor and instantly feeling badly about the fact that she did. For a minute it hurt to breathe but then Maura's fingers on her arm slipped up, covering the back of her hand, until they could press lightly between hers.

When Jane's eyes went from their linked hands to her face, Maura forced a small smile. It wasn't Jane's fault she had asked the question but she had her answers. "Those all sound like very valid reasons." She looked down at their hands and took a deep breath. "I do wish he had been more reasonable during his injury about your feelings."

Jane picked up her coffee cup and realized it was empty. It made a hollow click on the table when she put it down with more force than she intended. There were so many words that she knew she needed to say but the only ones she could manage were, "Yeah, me too."

The waitress returned and Maura took her hand back quickly as the check was handed to Jane. "I'll leave this here, but please feel free to take your time."

Jane flexed her hand on the table before slowly pulling it back to flip open the billfold. She went to run her hand through her hair and stopped the minute she touched the smooth locks. Her head whipped up to stare at the back of the waitress, then down at the billfold before looking back to Maura.

Took in every inch of Maura's appearance before scrutinizing every inch of her own.

Maura realized what was going through Jane's mind a second before exasperated brown eyes met hers.

Jane tossed the check down on the table and buried her face in her hands. "Seriously? Why pick me to hand the check to? Even dressed like this, I'm the guy?"

"I'm sure the waitress didn't mean…" Maura stumbled over the half truth, hesitating before giving up any pretense. "This is representative of what I've been trying to show you."

Jane wearily rested her chin on her hand and gestured for Maura to continue.

"It's not what you wear," Maura smiled softly. "Though you do look lovely in that outfit, even your regular clothing does nothing to hide that you are very much a woman." She debated her next words but they were honest. "A beautiful woman. An attractive woman. That is what people see when they look at you." When Jane didn't seem bothered she continued. "It's not your job. You may have picked a profession that showcases your natural strength of personality but, like you just told me, that was there even when you were young. No playing beauty shop for you."

When Jane snorted and rolled her eyes, Maura knew it was okay to continue. "You refuse to settle for anything less than your coworkers accepting you equally. And you shouldn't ever think that means people find you less of a woman. How many very strong men did we just discuss that see you as a very desirable woman? You know who you are. People respond to that." She made eye contact and held it. "I respond to that."

Maura felt heat flush her skin, but she continued to keep eye contact. "So perhaps how I interact with you highlights certain habits you've picked up by being true to who you are. I promise to make an effort modify my behavior but I can't promise it will always be perfect." It was a struggle not to look away and emotion made her eyes burn. "How I react to you is natural for me. I can't help it, but I'll try. I don't mean to make life harder for you."

Jane hastily reached over the table and grabbed Maura's hand. "Don't. It doesn't bother me." She laced their fingers together, holding on so Maura wouldn't pull away, even when the waitress returned for the check. "I never said I didn't like it. I was only trying to make a point." When Maura didn't say anything she squeezed her hand tightly, "I mean it."

Releasing Maura's hand Jane picked up the billfold and glanced at the total before quickly tucking cash in and handing it to the waitress. "Thank you, that's all set." The minute the waitress turned and walked away she rolled her eyes at the money on the table. "For the love of god, would you stop being ridiculous? Put your money away Maura."

She mock glared between the cash and the Doctor. "I'm serious. I'm not changing how we behave around each other. You paid for lunch yesterday so coffee is on me. Plus, I know what my lunch cost yesterday. I'm totally making out here."

The staring contest lasted a moment longer before Maura tucked the cash back in her wallet. This time when she looked up and met Jane's eyes she took comfort in the warmth and affection present. There was nothing indicating that Jane was being anything less than forthright. "Are you ready to go? I still have to give you your present."

"That's right!" Delighted, Jane pushed back from the table, not missing the indulgent smile on Maura's face. "I completely forgot you said you had a present for me!"

Maura reached down to gather her purse. "Then we had better leave, I need to make one more stop first."

This time when they stood up to leave and Jane held open her coat, Maura met her eyes over her shoulder with a steady, gentle, smile. "Thank you."

"No problem."

And she meant it.

* * *

A/N – Beta CharlietheCAG gets all the thanks and remember daaahlin': M.A.C (& yes I tweaked the start but I'm still not quite she who shall not be named;) )


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